


La Dame Blanche

by robin_writes



Category: Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: 1738/1941, Apothecary, Claire's PoV, F/M, First Person, Healer, Magic, Mentions of miscarriage, Miscarriage, Paris - Freeform, Shared Dreams, Soulmates, and she takes in jamie, bed sharing, claire casts a spell on them accidentally, claire fell through the stones before the war (1938), claire has powers, claire's a witch, jamie's in paris studying, la dame blanche, non-con but not between claire and jamie, she basically adopts Fergus, the duke of sandringham is slimy, who is about 6
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-29
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2020-03-27 15:19:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 22,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19015555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robin_writes/pseuds/robin_writes
Summary: Claire has been in 18th century Paris for three years when she heals Jamie Fraser, setting her on a path of magic and love she never thought possible.--By all intents and purposes, Claire Beauchamp was a witch. She didn’t have magical powers or a pointy hat or even a black cat, but she had travelled through time to the mid 18th century and she knew things that could save a man’s life but land her on a bonfire.She had been careful, so far, to stick to herbs and remedies that belonged in the 18th century. But it wasn’t long before her skill was talked about throughout Paris. It soon became Paris’ worst kept secret among the poor and the aristocracy alike.





	1. ne'er was a dream so like a waking (The Winter's Tale)

**Author's Note:**

> So all of my chapter titles are Shakespeare quotes for reasons... I've written all but the last chapter so far, so expect daily updates. Don't forget to send kudos and comments :)

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/160989534@N06/47959357296/in/dateposted-public/)

By all intents and purposes, Claire Beauchamp was a witch. She didn’t have magical powers or a pointy hat or even a black cat, but she had travelled through time to the mid 18th century and she knew things that could save a man’s life but land her on a bonfire.

She had been careful, so far, to stick to herbs and remedies that belonged in the 18th century. But it wasn’t long before her skill was talked about throughout Paris. It soon became Paris’ worst kept secret among the poor and the aristocracy alike.

———

I lived above a small apothecary shop I had bought the year before after healing enough grateful but wary rich to be able to afford it.

The door of that apothecary swung open violently as a group of large men carried another in. “Lie him down.” I said, reacting immediately. I went to put some water on the boil and came back with some clean cloths. I bent down where the large red-headed man laid unconscious, bleeding through the wooden floors. “What happened?” I asked without looking away from him.  
“I dinna ken, he was out cold when I found him mistress.” An older Scottish man said.  
“Fine. Then the rest of you can leave, you’ll be no help crowding him.” They all turned to exit, but I looked up at the man who’d spoken. “You can stay. He’s family?”  
“Aye.” I watched in amusement as the man crossed his heart religiously, and then turned to watch me nervously. “He’s ma godson.”

It didn’t take long at all for me to realise what was wrong with the man. He was suffering from a traumatic brain bleed, or a subdural haematoma. “Did he have a head injury recently?” I asked as I sterilised my knives and a hand-crank drill I’d crafted a few years ago for scenarios similar to this one. It hadn't been invented yet so I made sure to hide it.  
“Aye, got hit over the head with an axe a few months ago. It’s healed now though.”  
“Something must’ve happened today. He’s bleeding in his brain.”  
“How d’ye ken that?”  
“His eyes.” I didn’t have time to explain pupillary response to an 18th century Scot while his godson was dying on my floor. It turned out the blood was from a superficial wound on his shoulder that I would get to eventually.  
“His eyes? Ye are La Dame Blanche.” He said with equal wonder and fear as though he wasn’t sure until now.  
“That’s what they call me.” I said as I used the smallest knife to cut a chunk of the red curls out and then brought the drill up to the spot.  
“Ye’ll kill him!” The man moved towards me to reach out and stop me.  
“Please restrain yourself sir. I am trying to save your godson’s life.” He moved back and I began to drill a hole into the unconscious man’s skull. I only stopped when I felt the texture change to soft brain membrane.

As I pulled the drill out, thick red blood oozed out. I drilled in two other places before sterilising the holes and covering them with cloth. I wrapped the man’s head in a bandage but he didn’t wake.

So what if I’d found some incantations in a dusty old grimoire hidden beneath my floor boards one day, everyone thought I was a witch anyway, I might as well get the good out of it.

I stood to look the door and pull together all the curtains. I lit a few more candles and then grabbed a jar of dried hawthorn. The older man watched as a brewed a tea with it to reduce blood pressure and then sat down on my haunches by the unconscious man. I pinched his nose and poured the warm tea down his throat.

For show, the next ten minutes I spent reciting one of the incantations in Latin. Or as much of it as I could remember. It helped my business. It helped keep me alive and fed.

I was tending to the man’s shoulder as he groggily opened his eyes. “Jamie? D’ye hear me lad?”  
“Aye. Where am I?” The red-head, Jamie tried to sit up but Claire pushed his shoulders back down.  
“Uhh…” The other man seemed stuck for words.  
“La Dame Blanche’s apothecary.” I said.

He didn’t notice me until I spoke. I could see it on his glass face. He thought I was ethereal, other-worldly. Until he realised what I had said and slid away from me with hate in his face.

“Ye brought me tae a witch Murtagh?” He was angry, angrier than angry. Fuming, smoking coming from his ears.  
“I dinna have much choice. Ye were half-dead Jamie.”  
“Well then what do I owe you mistress? I’d like tae go home now.”  
“Nothing.” I said. “Just come back in two weeks so I know your wounds aren’t infected… inflamed. And keep them clean and dry.”  
“Ye put holes in ma head lass. I willnae be back.”  
“If I didn’t you would be dead.”  
“And how’s that?” We were both furious and standing toe to toe now without realising we had moved.  
“I drained the blood build-up in your brain. The pressure would’ve killed you.”  
“And I thank ye, but I willnae be back.” Jamie twisted the key in the lock and left. The other man, Murtagh turned back to me.  
“I’m sorry. The lad doesn’t take well to witchcraft.” He bowed his head and followed after his godson.  
“Not many people do.” I said glumly. Maybe I shouldn’t have put on the performance. Although it was Jamie who was angry and he didn’t see any of it. Just my name was enough to send him running.

I closed up the shop for the evening and headed to bed quickly finding myself not all that hungry. I didn’t realise how much I missed or enjoyed the rush of healing. Sure I healed with my herbs, but it wasn’t the same as having someone completely depend on you for their life. It just wasn’t the same as feeling the adrenaline that came with blood and death.

I really was disheartened that Jamie wasn’t coming back. It was imperative for his health. 1730s Paris was a much filthier place than 1920s England where I had grown up.

As I laid down on my bed in my shift, I remembered three years ago, tumbling through the stones at Craigh Na Dun and then making the choice to set up a life in France, to avoid the rising dangers in England and Scotland. At least until temperaments in France got bad.

That night I dreamt of a tall red-headed man with startlingly blue eyes and his large calloused hands running up and down my smooth skin. His face shone with love and when he kissed me, everything else was white noise.

I woke hot and flustered and got ready for opening my shop. As customer after customer came in, I worked robotically; listening, diagnosing, passing over bags of herbs, explaining and then taking payment. It was all nowhere near as interesting as my patient last night. Or his burr holes.

I wrote a note in French ‘Around back in garden’ and rested it between a glass jar and the window. I swapped my regular shoes for boots that were as sturdy as they were muddy and far too big. And then I headed out back to tend my herb garden.

Not too much later, a shadow fell over me and the soil. I looked up. “Jamie.” I said, rubbing my hands together to get them clean.  
“Mistress.” He looked uncomfortable.  
“Are you feeling okay?”  
“Aye.” He shifted awkwardly.  
“Then… would you like to come in?” I stood up.  
“No thank ye. I… I felt like payment was necessary. Ye saved my life and I was ungrateful. Here.” He extended his hand and dropped coins into mine.  
“I told you it wasn’t necessary.”  
“T’was. I don’t owe ye a debt any longer aye?”  
“Aye.” I smiled. He looked relieved. “Did you think I would curse you or something.”  
“I was mightily rude.”  
“I don’t have powers Jamie. I’m just a very good healer.”  
“Are ye not La Dame Blanche?”  
“People call me that, yes, but I’m not a witch.”  
“Just verra good at yer job.” His face was unreadable.  
“Yes.”  
“Murtagh said…”  
“Occasionally I put on a show. People pay more. It makes people afraid of me, that’s the best protection.”  
“Oh.” I wasn’t sure if he believed me or not. “I’ll see you in two weeks mistress.” I smiled.  
“Claire.”  
“Claire.” He nodded and took his leave. Either he believed me or he didn’t. It shouldn’t matter. He shouldn’t matter.

But I couldn’t ignore the truth that he did.

It was getting dark so I packed up my basket and hung up all the herbs I had collected to dry. And then I locked up the store.

Tonight’s dream was similar. Jamie held me in his arms. We were lying in an empty meadow on a patch of soft heather, my head on his chest. His fingers were twirling my hair and while he was watching me, I was watching him.

Sunlight hit his face on the side, uncovering some freckles and dying his hair a brighter shade. I brought my hand up to his cheek and stroked gently. He was warm. “We have to go back.” I whispered.  
“Just another minute Sassenach. Let me have another minute.” He stared at me with all the love in the world.

It left me empty and aching in a different way to the night before. My bed was too big. My house too empty. Jamie-less.

I took a deep breath and then readied myself for the day. It took far more willpower today. All I wanted was to close my eyes and fall back into the dream world where it was just the two of us together. But I couldn’t. I had to work.

The morning started similarly to every morning the last year until Mathilda came in. “The herbs aren’t ready yet.” I said, but stopped when I saw the blood staining her dress. “Where are you hurt?”  
“Not me. Claudel.”  
“Claudel? Who’s that?”  
“You must come Claire.” The woman was frantic.  
“Of course.” I rapidly gathered up my medical box, still where I left it two days ago. And I followed Mathilda to Maison Elise.

I hated the lives they were forced to live here, but I understood it. I had even thought about it for a while when I had first come to France, it was a close call. I hadn’t the money to be picky about my profession for some time. Luckily I managed to heal the right people to ensure things didn’t get much further than thought.

Mathilda led me to a bedroom where a small boy, maybe five or six years old laid passed out. He was covered in blood and bruises. I rushed over, switching on my medical side. I checked his pulse, then his airways and finally his eyes. He had been badly beaten.

“Who did this?” I asked.  
“A client. Claudel was in here. I didn’t know. The man came in to wait for me, but he said…” She was shaking violently. “He said Claudel was more his type.” She left the room in tears.

There was shouting outside as I cleaned the boy up and stitched his gashes. “He’s just a child. If his mother was alive, she’d want us to keep him safe.” I carefully rolled him on his side and pulled his britches down, hoping he wouldn’t wake. I examined him and let out a shaky breath when I came to the conclusion that he wasn’t raped. He must’ve stopped it only to be beaten. I laid Claudel back down.  
“Is this safe?” It was Madam Elise. “In a whorehouse, lying half-dead? He can’t stay.” Her assessment of half-dead was familiar if not an exaggeration.  
“We’ll keep him out of sight and we’ll pay to feed him ourselves.”  
“No Mathilda. The boy goes. No argument. I won’t let him become a whore before he can make that decision for himself.”  
“As you say Madam.”

Mathilda returned with a sour look on her face. She sat on the bed next to the boy. She stroked his hair back and kissed his forehead with a motherly look in her eye. “Notre garçon miracle.” (Our miracle boy.)  
“Where will he go?” I asked quietly, not wanting to disturb the solemn atmosphere.  
“The streets, until we can find him a home.”  
“That’s terrible.”  
“That’s life La Dame Blanche.”

I sat back, watching Mathilda cradle the small body in her arms, tears running silently down her face. He wasn’t her son, but he might as well have been for all the love in her eyes.

“I’ll take him.” I said without thinking. After a moment of thought though, I realised I meant it.  
“But… you are a witch no?”  
“No.” I said earnestly. She looked into my eyes and saw the truth. I was just like her, destroying my reputation, rebuilding a new one to survive.  
“Alright. You keep him safe Claire.” Mathilda handed me the boy’s prone body and my medical box.  
“With my life.” I nodded, and then I was on my way home.

I gave Claudel my bed for now, planning to buy him a separate one and to turn my small library into a child’s bedroom. I tucked him in, and then I dragged a wooden chair through to the other side of the bed. I prepared a plate of bread and cheese to nibble on which I placed at the foot of the bed.

I wrote another note for the shop window. ‘Emergencies only for a short while.’

And then I took up my vigil at Claudel’s side. I waited, reading a book, daydreaming, sleeping for him to wake up. I prayed that I wouldn’t have to create burr holes in his head, but there didn’t seem to be any pressure build up in his head.

Claudel took a full day to wake up, it made me nervous. “Où suis-je?” (Where am I?)  
“My name is Claire, I’m a healer. You’re at my house.”  
“But… Mathilda, Alma, Celeste.”  
“You can visit them of course, but Madam Elise can’t let you live there anymore.”  
“I’m too tempting.”  
“Right.” I was more than a little enraged that he knew that. “Claudel…”  
“Oui milady?”  
“Have you ever been touched by a client before?”  
“No milady. But I see the looks.”  
“How old are you?”  
“Six. Where shall I go milady?”  
“You’ll stay here with me.”  
“Really? Truly?”  
“Yes. If that’s what you want. We aren’t too far from Maison Elise. Your friends may visit if you’d like.”  
“I would milady.” He looked cheerful.  
“Good because I think I’d like the company.” I smiled. “Are you hungry?”  
“Oui milady.” I passed over a new plate of bread and cheese and stood up to get some water for the boy.

I heard a pounding knock at the door. “Claire! Are ye sick?” It was Jamie. I hurried down the steps and pulled the door open for him. “Are ye sick?” He asked again, examining me worriedly.  
“No, I’m fine.” I was confused.  
“What’s with the sign then?”  
“Oh. I… I’m with a patient.”  
“I should go. I’m sorry to disturb ye Sassenach.” I froze.  
“What did you say?”  
“I should go.”  
“No, what did you call me?”  
“Sassenach. I’m sorry, I ken it’s an insult but it’s ironic because we’re both sassenachs here, ye ken.”  
“I think you should come in Jamie.”  
“But yer patient?”  
“Come on.” I led him up the stairs to my space. As I reached the bedroom, I looked back at Jamie.  
“Claire, this isna proper.” His ears were pink-tinged.  
“Shut up and come in.” I opened the bedroom door.

“Milady.” Claudel looked up from the bed. “I saved you some bread.”  
“Claudel, this is Jamie.” I introduced. “Jamie, Claudel.” I sat down on the wooden chair and watched them watch each other.  
“Is he your husband milady? I’m sorry milord, I’m in your bed.” Claudel climbed out and stood awkwardly before Jamie.  
“I’m not married Claudel. Get back in bed.” I smirked.  
“Oui milady.” He hopped back under the sheets.  
“I’m a patient too and, I hope, Claire’s friend.” Jamie said finally. I was confused. Why was he here. He was so mad before and then he was nervous and now he wanted to be my friend?

“Can you keep each other company for me so I can go and buy some more food, this is the last of it.” I held up the hunk of bread Claudel had left for me.  
“Of course Sassenach.” He looked at me a little like dream-Jamie looked at me and I don’t know if that made me more or less wary of him.  
“Stay out of trouble.” I said to Claudel and then I left.

I don’t know why I did it, not really. But I did know that it was nice to have a full house for once.

When I returned, I heard laughter. A large smile appeared on my face as I watched Jamie and Claudel pretending to fight with invisible swords through my parlour. I put on a straight face and turned to Claudel. “You are meant to be in bed resting.” I turned to Jamie. “And you had brain surgery a few days ago. You shouldn’t be this active. If it was down to me, you’d both be in bed.”  
“But milady, we cannot protect you if we’re in bed.”  
“I’m sure Claire can protect herself fine lad.”  
“He’s right Claudel, to bed with you.” I said.  
“Claudel is too feminine. Call me Fergus from now on.” Claudel said.  
“I suppose this is your doing.” I turned to Jamie.  
“It’s a braw name Sassenach. Ye canna deny that.”  
“Alright. To bed with you… Fergus.”  
“Can Jamie stay?” He asked.  
“If Jamie wants he can stay.” I didn’t want to trap him but I also didn’t want him to go anywhere either.  
“I should head back. Sorry Fergus.” Jamie said, standing up too quickly. He gripped onto the bed frame until his knuckles turned white.  
“Get in the bed Jamie.” I said as he almost fainted.  
“I’ll be fine Sassenach. Dinna fash.”  
“No, you won’t. Get in the bed.” Jamie realised my stubbornness and nodded. I pulled up the sheets next to Fergus who shuffled over. He climbed in and groaned when his head hit the pillow. “I should change your bandage, make sure you aren’t bleeding again.” I said.

I left the two boys in my bed to get some clean fabric for bandages. As I got back, I heard snoring. Two sets. I laughed as quietly as I could, set the cloth on top of the table next to the bed. And then I curled up on the wooden chair. As uncomfortable as it was, there was nowhere else I’d rather be.

Large calloused hands holding my face appeared in my dreams. They wiped away my tears. “It’s alright Sassenach, yer alright.” I was in shock. My body wouldn’t move as he wrapped me up tight in his arms and rested my head on his chest. “Och, yer frozen lass.” His hands swiped up and down my arms to warm them.

Except that felt too real, almost like it was actually happening. I woke with a start. Jamie was crouching in front of me trying to warm me up but he stopped when he noticed I was awake.

“Sorry Sassenach. Ye were shivering. Have ye no’ got a fire?”  
“Downstairs, but I don’t leave it burning while I’m up here.”  
“D’ye have anymore blankets?”  
“No.”  
“I’ll sleep on the floor then, ye can take the bed.”  
“I’m not tired anymore. I should open the shop soon.”  
“Of course.”

Jamie let me change his bandages, there was no infection but head wounds are particularly vulnerable and their infections are often fatal. He climbed back into bed, eyes heavy and his breath relaxing. “Jamie?”  
“Aye?” He was on the brink of sleep now.  
“Why do you call me Sassenach?”  
“‘Cause it’s what I call ye in ma dreams.” And he was asleep. I froze. He was having dreams of us too?

I cleaned myself up a little and fixed my hair and then I went to open up the shop. I removed the sign I made and started up a fire.

Not many people came in today. Most still expected it to be closed. I still expected it to be closed. But both my boys were asleep upstairs so I might as well be making money.

I worked quickly, tying up the bundles of dried herbs for the girls at Maison Elise and an extra one for Alma. Last time I saw her, it looked like she might have Chlamydia. 

Fergus was still too weak to go with me, but I decided he could take next month’s herbs for the women. He would be happy about that, I thought.

The girls weren’t very talkative when I got there. They just wanted to know if Fergus was alright and if he was happy. I remembered the laughter I’d heard and smiled. He seemed to be happy. I had a talk with Alma. She’d feared as much but was grateful for the herbs.

Jamie was awake when I returned. “I should go Sassenach.”  
“I would prefer it if you didn’t.”  
“As would I. But Murtagh will be wondering where I am.”  
“What do you both do for work here?”  
“Weel, I’m meant tae be studying at l’université. Murtagh does a lot of manual labour.”  
“Good, that’s what I was hoping for.”  
“Aye?” Jamie raised his eyebrows.  
“I need help changing my library to a bedroom for Fergus. I’ll pay of course.”  
“I’ll talk tae Murtagh. We’ve a couple o’ friends visiting at tha moment. They’ll lend a hand. I’ll come back tomorrow Sassenach.” He smiled.  
“I’ll hold you to that.”  
“Aye, ye should.” Jamie left.

Fergus was sitting up in bed when I got upstairs. “Are you feeling better?”  
“Oui milady, where is milord?”  
“He went home, but he’ll be back tomorrow. Do you like him?”  
“Very much. Do you like him milady?” He asked with a knowing look on his face.  
“I do.”  
“Good.” He smiled at me.  
“Hungry?” I changed the topic quickly.  
“Oui milady.”

As we were eating, there was a knock on the shop door. I stood quickly and moved to open it with caution. “Are you Mademoiselle Beauchamp?” A man, who I quickly identified as a servant, asked.  
“Yes, can I help you?”  
“I have an invitation for you.” He handed me the letter and left without another word.

I closed the door and returned to Fergus. He watched me as I broke the wax seal. It was an invitation to be a guest of the king at a ball in three days time. “Are you going to go?” Fergus asked when I told him the contents of the letter.  
“I don’t know. I don’t have anything to wear.”  
“You cannot deny the king milady.”  
“I suppose not. I guess I’m going shopping then. Maybe I can convince Jamie to stay here with you tomorrow while I’m out.”  
“I could help milady. I know what men like.”  
“You know what men like on whores. And besides, I’m not looking for a man.”  
“No?” He asked with an innocent look on his face.  
“No.” I said with a firm stubbornness I’m not sure I believed. “Eat your food. We’re not talking about this anymore.”

I began to regret that though when Fergus didn’t say anything else at all.

I wasn’t sure what my life had become. I wanted to be left alone. I thought I did anyway. Relationships attract scrutiny. I now had a son and a man who couldn’t seem to leave me alone as much as I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Soon Fergus would learn that I’m the town witch and he would have a choice. Leave or stay. I would rather he stayed of course, but it might be better for everyone if he left. I’m not a mother. And it was just a matter of time before I got killed. The 18th century wasn’t particularly kind to witches, or pariahs alike.


	2. heat not a furnace for your foe so hot that it do singe yourself (Henry VIII)

Jamie came back the next day as promised and noticed my melancholy mood at once. “Sassenach? Are ye well?”  
“I’m fine Jamie. It doesn’t matter.” He stepped towards me.  
“If it’s makin’ ye upset, it matters.”  
“I asked you to help make a bedroom for Fergus. But what if he doesn’t want to stay?” My eyes became blurry with tears that refused to fall.  
“Dinna fash Sassenach, we can clear this up right now.”

Jamie stepped further into my store and called up for Fergus to come say hello. Fergus appeared, ecstatic to see Jamie. “Bonjour milord.” He smiled brightly.  
“Bonjour Fergus.” Jamie said. “Go on Sassenach.” He turned to me.  
“Fergus…” I took a deep breath.  
“Oui milady?”  
“I wanted to know whether you’d like to live with me here… for good I mean. For this to be your home.”  
“For good? Une maison permanente?” (A permanent home?)  
“Yes. But before you answer,” My nerves started up again. “I need to tell you something.” Fergus looked up at me with blind trust in his eyes. It was that faith in me that made my tears fall. “People sometimes call me La Dame Blanche. But I’m not a witch, I just know a lot of ways to make people get better and sometimes other people don’t know those ways and they think it’s magic. But it’s not. I promise.”  
“Milady,” Fergus took a step closer and waved me to crouch. I complied. “don’t cry,” He wiped the tears from my face. “I know you are La Dame Blanche.” Fergus wrapped his small arms around me in a hug and whispered in my ear. “I would very much like to live here milady.”

I tried so hard not to start crying again. I took a breath and stood up. “Let’s clear you a room then mon protecteur.”

I didn’t notice it before, but Murtagh was loitering outside the shop. “I told him we wouldn’t be moving everything in today, but he said he wanted to lend a hand.” Jamie said, nodding to his godfather.  
“Oh, that’s perfect. Do you mind if I leave Fergus with you both for a short while? I was invited to a king’s ball and I need to buy a gown. I don’t feel so bad leaving if you’ve got someone else to help.”  
“Of course Sassenach, we’d be happy tae watch the boy fer ye.”

I showed both men the small library and we decided to move the books throughout the rest of the house; the few novels to my bedroom and the other books on herbs and archaic medicines I had accumulated into a nook in the back of the shop.

Murtagh decided he could repurpose the wood of the bookshelves into a bed frame. It was then I decided to leave.

“I must be going. I’ll be as quick as I can.” I told everyone.  
“Take yer time lass.” Murtagh said.  
“Aye, it wouldn’t be fit to wear anything that dinna properly suit yer form.” Jamie said, turning a little red. I couldn’t tell if it was a complement, but Murtagh’s face declared it so.

I took all the money I had stashed away over the year since I’d spent my rainy day fund on this house, and cursed the King of France for inviting me to this ball and forcing me to buy a grand gown.

The actual dress-buying wasn’t so bad. I’d never been one for shopping even back in the 1930s, but this felt different. I was in Paris. I was in 1738. And I was going to meet King Louis XV.

I’d met a woman in the second store I’d visited called Louise de la Tour, the wife of the Prince of Guéméné. I wasn’t sure where exactly that was. She’d overheard I was going to the ball, and one of the men calling me ‘La Dame Blanche’ and took an instant liking to me.

“Come on Claire, there’s a better boutique not too far from here. I’ll help you find a dress pour le roi.” (for the King) “He’ll be a fool not to notice you.” We didn’t stop walking through her speech.  
“I’m not sure I want to be noticed Louise.” She’d insisted I call her Louise or Princess. I’m not entirely sure the latter was a joke.  
“Why not? You’re not a girl Claire. You can’t leave marriage too much longer. I got married at sixteen.”  
“I’m not sure I want to marry for anything but love.”  
“You’re naïve. And a romantic. I like that about you Claire. But if King Louis wants you, you would be smart to lie there and take it.”  
“Excuse me!” We were almost at the next dress shop.  
“He either invited you for your magic or for sex. You should know to let him have you anyway he wants until he gets bored.”  
“Is that what he does? Takes whatever woman he fancies and sets her aside when he grows tired of her?”  
“Oui Claire. He’s the king.” Louise pushed open the door and that was the end of that conversation. “Bonjour, we’re looking for a dress for my friend to wear to the king’s ball.”

They had almost twenty dresses pre-made and ready for altering, far more than the last two shops. And I felt my eyes drawn to the sharp red colour of a dress in the centre of the room. It was beautiful. Exquisite. The fine stitching and the expensive material. But I couldn’t help the blush that appeared on my cheeks as my eyes reached the bust. It was low cut and the two sides were separated, pushing outwards. It was designed to marvel and shock. “C’est parfait.” Louise watched me look at the dress.  
“I can’t.” I said. “It’s indecent.”  
“You can and you will. My treat.”  
“I can’t let you do that either. We barely know each other.”  
“And yet I feel like we’re already friends. Let me buy this for you and then we shall go. I’m getting tired.”  
“Thank you Louise.”

I was fitted for the dress, only a few alterations were needed, Louise paid and then we were leaving. “Come find me at the ball Claire.” She smiled and then walked away from me. I headed in the opposite direction towards my home.

There was hammering when I got back. I quickly discovered it to be Murtagh making the bed frame by himself while Jamie was teaching Fergus how to play cards.

“Good afternoon?” Fergus asked when he saw me.  
“Yes. I made a friend and I got a dress.” I smiled widely.  
“A verra good afternoon then.” Jamie turned to look at me.  
“Jamie?”  
“Aye Sassenach?”  
“I hate to do this again, but would you be free to watch Fergus the day after tomorrow? When I’m at the ball?”  
“Aye Sassenach.” He bowed his head and went to talk to Murtagh.

Before I knew it, it was the day of the ball. I was still dreaming of Jamie every night. I hadn’t made my mind up whether I wanted the dreams to stop or not. They were silly fantasies, but I found myself with a deeper connection to Jamie the longer they went on.

Right now he was telling Fergus a story about clan wars and love back in Scotland while I was getting ready to go to Versailles. The red dress was fairly easy to get into for a French gown. I pulled my hair off the back of my neck, lined my eyes with kohl and rouged my lips.

“Sassenach, your carriage is here.” I heard Jamie call.  
“I’ll be right there.” I said, steadying my nerves. I slipped into my red heels I had bought to match the dress and then I joined my boys in the parlour. “So… what do you think?” I asked. Both Jamie and Fergus didn’t say anything for a time and I started to doubt myself. “I look like a right idiot then. I can’t go. I have nothing else to wear.”  
“You look stunning mo chridh. But I wouldna fancy the King’s restraint in yer presence. Perhaps it’s better if you don’t go.”  
“You are beautiful milady. Hurry now, before milord tries to steal you for himself.” Fergus hurried me out of the door to the carriage I’d hired for the night.

I left armed with only my invitation and the fear that my reputation came with.

I can’t remember when the last time I heard music was. It definitely wasn’t in the last three years, so it must’ve been in the 20th century. It seemed like a lifetime ago. The music was pouring out of the palace at Versailles when I arrived. The footman helped me out of the carriage and I joined the flow of well-dressed aristocrats through inside the palace.

It was incredible. Like I had travelled through time again. The palace was so different from where I lived in Paris.

The gold glistened and the chandeliers grew more grandiose the closer to the music I got. I looked around in wonder and then guilt sliced through my heart. The money in this palace could feed the entirety of France for months.

I quickly became disgusted at the procession of wealth I was partaking in, however unwillingly. Lives could be saved, starving people fed, illnesses cured, with money like this. But instead, people were overindulging on ridiculous food and incredible gowns. It made my stomach turn.

I was approached almost instantly by a man in a long, curled wig. I bowed my head to him as he kissed the back of my hand. “Enchanted.” He said, startling me with his English accent. “I thought to myself, over there, that I just had to make the acquaintance of the most beautiful woman at the ball.”  
“Good evening sir, my name is Claire Beauchamp.”  
“An Englishwoman, how magnificent. A pleasure Mistress Beauchamp. I am the Duke of Sandringham.” I smiled at him. 

I knew a fair amount about British history, but I was lacking when it came to specifics past who the Duke was. I often found myself wishing I’d been more interested in 18th century politics, now more than ever.

The Duke was obviously avoiding staring at my breasts. I would’ve been grateful if he didn’t give me an uncomfortable feeling. I watched him with curiosity. “I don’t believe I’ve ever seen you at a ball before Mistress Beauchamp.”  
“That’s because I’ve never been to one before. I’m not even sure why I was invited in the first place.”  
“Nonsense my dear, you are the image of godliness. I can’t see a reason at all you shouldn’t be here.”  
“You’re very kind sir.” I shifted feeling uneasy.  
“And you’re very beautiful.” I noticed the pink tinge to his cheeks and realised the Duke may have had more to drink than I first thought.  
“If you’ll excuse me, I must find my friend. She said it was imperative she show me around.”  
“Of course my dear. Don’t leave without saying goodbye.”

I bowed my head and then left as calmly as I could, trying not to notice the number of men who were staring at me as I did.

I hurried to find Louise but instead found myself getting lost and ending up in an empty parlour. Clearly this part of the palace was not intended on being used tonight, but I needed a breather.

I took a seat on one of the loveseats in the room and tried to even my breathing to the rhythm of the faint orchestra. I heard a cough from behind me and turned quickly.

“I’m sorry. I just needed a moment.” There was a man in a wig wearing the most detailed stitching on his waistcoat I had ever seen.  
“Of course, if a Lady cannot take a moment, then the moment might swallow her whole.” He said with a very handsome French accent.  
“How astute sir.” I stood awkwardly.  
“Do not get up on my account La Dame Blanche, I wouldn’t want you to be swallowed whole. You are far too delicate for that.” I sat back down and stared up at the man as he moved to sit opposite me.  
“How do you know who I am?”  
“Because I invited you mademoiselle.”  
“Oh… you’re King Louis. I beg your forgiveness my liege.”  
“Nothing to forgive. Although I do wonder what has rattled the bird’s cage.”  
“Excuse me, I don’t understand.”  
“I merely mean to ask why your feathers are ruffled, oiseau.” (bird)  
“Oh, um, I met the Duke of Sandringham and… well, not to speak ill of the man, he just made me feel uncomfortable.”  
“But of course, the Duke sees beauty where beauty lies, does he not?”  
“I suppose he does, my king. I wanted to thank you for your gracious invitation.”  
“I was only being selfish mademoiselle, as I am now.”  
“How so?”  
“I wanted to meet the witch.”  
“I am very sorry to disappoint you, my king, but I am not a real witch.”  
“Are you calling me a liar?” His voice shot through me in its volume and its intensity.  
“No my king, just misunderstood.”  
“Ah, you are afraid of being executed. You have a royal pardon mademoiselle. C’est why you are here. I seek to employ your abilities and as long as you do not harm anyone, you are pardoned for all and future uses of your magic.”  
“That’s very kind, but I don’t have magic. I have herbs.”  
“Of course, how you do it is your business. This has been lovely, but I must return to my ball. I will call on you when your services are required and you will be paid beyond your wildest imaginings. Mademoiselle.” King Louis kissed my hand and took his leave.

As I sat on the loveseat, I couldn’t help but think I had unwittingly become the king’s whore. He wanted me for my ‘magic’, but Louise was right. I saw it in his eyes, the eyes that didn’t stray too far from my exposed bust. You can’t refuse a king.

I made up my mind quickly, I would find Louise and then I would go home to the only two people I actually wanted to spend tonight with. 

Louise wasn’t all that difficult to find in the end. She was talking to a group of women around our age. “Bonjour.” I said as I came up behind her.  
“Claire!” She listed off vaguely French sounding names as she introduced me to everyone. “Where have you been?” She turned back to me.  
“I was making the king’s acquaintance.”  
“Ahh…” She nodded knowingly. I didn’t bother to correct her.  
“This is great, but I’m tired and not sure whether any man here is worth my time.”  
“Always leave them wanting more Claire.” Louise smiled. “Maybe you’ll come to tea next week at my house.”  
“Of course, I would love that. Thank you Louise.” I nodded my head to the group of women and headed for the exit.

“Mistress Beauchamp.” The Duke called to me. I stopped and turned to him.  
“Yes sir?”  
“The king has requested a private audience with you.” He had a weird look on his face that told me to run the other way.  
“I just left the king, sir.” The Duke stepped closer to me.  
“Perhaps he forgot something. I’ll take you to him.” The Duke gripped my elbow and encouraged me to follow him. I couldn’t make a scene. The king wouldn’t maintain his good faith in my if I wrecked his ball. So I quietly allowed the Duke to lead me through the palace.

When we left the sections dedicated to the ball, with people everywhere, the Duke’s grip on me tightened. He brought me to an empty guest bedroom and my stomach dropped. He was too strong and I had no knowledge of the palace’s layout. I would get lost before I escaped. “You never came to say goodbye Mistress Beauchamp.”  
“I’m sorry. I forgot.”  
“You forgot me?” He seemed genuinely hurt. “I could never forget you.”  
“I’m sorry. My conversation with the king left me with a lot to consider and I just wanted to evaluate my options. I didn’t mean to forget you.” I tried to use logic to get out of the situation.  
“Right, of course, the king. I didn’t hurt you, did I Claire?” I couldn’t move as he examined the arm he had been holding. There weren’t any bruises. “I don’t feel like myself when I’m around you Claire. There’s something…” He laughed. “bewitching about you. Is that it? Have you bewitched me Claire?”

All I could do was watch as he untied the laces on his britches and pushed the material down. I wanted to scream. I could feel the blood in my veins heating up. And then he was bare. I’d only ever seen one naked man before, but the Duke was something else entirely.

The Duke was eyeing me hungrily. He reached out and pulled my breasts free. “You’re very warm my love. We should get this dress off of you.” He walked behind me and unlaced me, letting the gown fall to the floor.  
“S…sir, this isn’t proper.””  
“Nonsense.”  
“Sir! I cannot.”

This time, when his greasy hand latched onto my breast, he hissed and pulled away, cradling his palm to his chest. “You burnt me!”  
“What?” I felt like I could move again and used my arms to preserve my modesty.  
“I said, you burnt me. Witch!” He yelled loudly.  
“If you could kindly keep your voice down Duke.”  
“She’s a witch!” He yelled louder this time.

I slapped a hand over his mouth and heard sizzling. He screamed in pain and then his body went limp, dropping to the floor with a thud. I noticed his face and palm where he touched my skin were badly burnt and likely to scar.

I didn’t dwell on it though, and redressed myself before finding my way out of the palace and into the night. I couldn’t let myself panic yet. So I waited until I got home.

I stumbled out of the carriage and hurried up to my house. I was hyperventilating. “Sassenach? Are ye okay?” Jamie asked. I couldn’t speak. “Fergus, go to bed, yer bed.” Fergus disappeared into the library and Jamie looked at me. “Follow my breaths.” He breathed loudly with a consistent rhythm. I matched my breathing to his and was eventually calm enough that I could speak. “What happened tonight Sassenach?”  
“I can’t.” He reached out to touch me and I flinched away.  
“Was it King Louis? Did he…?” Jamie seemed to be only keeping his anger together for my sake.  
“No. Not Louis.”  
“Claire,” He looked at me heartbroken.  
“Don’t call me that. I can’t.” I could hear the Duke calling me that and it made my skin crawl.  
“Sassenach, did a man take ye against yer will?”  
“No, almost I think.” I was dazed, in shock.  
“What d’ye mean almost?”  
“I stopped it, stopped him. Jamie?” I hated how small and vulnerable my voice sounded.  
“Aye?”  
“Something happened, I… I burnt him.”  
“Wi’ what?”  
“My skin. I got really hot and then when he touched me, it burnt him.”  
“Like magic? I thought ye told me ye dinna have magic.”  
“I don’t. I don’t know what that was. I’ve never done anything like that before.”  
“Ye should get some rest.” Jamie stepped back.  
“Jamie, please.”  
“What?”  
“Don’t go.” I was on the verge of tears.  
“Aye Sassenach, I willna go if ye don’t want me tae. But ye should get in tae bed.”  
“Okay.” I followed Jamie into my bedroom, exhausted from the day.  
“I’ll leave ye tae get undressed.” He closed the door between us. I heard him pacing, the floorboards creaking. 

I undressed and pulled on my shift as quickly as I could, trying to erase the Duke’s touch from my skin. I also pulled the blanket off my bed and around my shoulders. I opened the door and Jamie stopped pacing.

“Christ, yer as white as yer shift.” He stepped towards me.  
“Tell me something good.” My voice was shaky.  
“Something good? Lallybroch.”

I sat down on my bed and patted it next to me. “Are ye sure?”  
“Yes. All I wanted was to get back to you and Fergus.” Jamie sat stiff on the bed. “So, Lallybroch?”  
“Right. I grew up there. It wasna perfect, but it was damn close. There were always people around; family, friends. Always someone there. And it was verra bonny.” I settled down and found Jamie’s hand. I squeezed it and didn’t let go. Neither did he. 

He talked about Lallybroch and his family and Scotland. He made me nostalgic for a home that I had never seen before. And soon I was asleep.


	3. we, fools of nature, so horridly to shake our disposition, with thoughts beyond the reaches of our souls! (Hamlet)

I dreamt of Jamie again, not a night went by that I didn’t. We were riding on a horse and reached a small stone castle with a stone arch surrounding the path in front of us. “Wow, it’s really as beautiful as you said.” I looked back at Jamie.  
“Lallybroch is yer home as much as it’s mine.”

I tried to take in as much as I could before I eventually woke. Jamie’s arms around me were tight but not stifling. And his chest was solid at my back. I leant against him and he kissed behind my ear. “Someday, I hope ye’ll let me bring ye both here.”  
“What?” And then I was awake. Jamie woke up almost immediately after I did.

“Sorry.” He said. “I must’ve fallen asleep. I’m verra sorry Sassenach. I dinna ken what ye must be thinkin’ right now.”  
“What?” I was confused, that’s what I was thinking.  
“With what happened last night and then waking up next tae a man. I wasna thinking.”  
“Jamie no. You are not him. There’s no comparison. You make me feel safe. Thank you for staying with me last night. Did you… did you dream of Lallybroch?” I asked and watched as he froze.  
“Aye.”  
“You said you hope that I’ll let you take us there.”  
“Aye, I did.” There was an unreadable look on his face.  
“Have you been dreaming about us?”  
“Every night since we met.”  
“So have I. I think… I think we’re having the same dreams.”  
“Claire,” I flinched. “Sorry, Sassenach. That would be witchcraft no?”  
“Maybe. But I did give a man third degree burns last night with my skin. Maybe I am a witch.”  
“What was that spell Murtagh said ye did when we first me?”  
“I don’t know. It was from a book, hang on.”

I climbed down off the bed and pulled up a loose floorboard. Jamie watched as I removed the grimoire from the hiding place and set it on the bed. I flicked through to the spell I was looking for.

“This is it.” I said.  
“That’s a bonding spell lass.”  
“What?”  
“I ken latin. It says it shows ye a deep soul-bond through dreams and pulls ye together.”  
“Oh Jamie, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know and I understand how much you hate magic.”  
“I dinna hate magic. I was born God-fearin’ and magic doesna have a place in religion. They burn witches lass. Ye need tae be careful.”  
“I know. But apparently this witch burns back.” I swallowed dryly.

They sat in silence for a moment, neither knowing what they should do. Claire was thinking about if her abilities were connected to her time travel. And Jamie was thinking about his religious childhood and the few, but still impactful, people he’d watched burn alive on a bonfire. He thought it was just back then, but who knew if they were really witches, or even like Claire; as innocent as a bairn.

“D’ye want tae see the lad’s room?” He asked out of nowhere. “It isna done, but it’s verra different.”  
“Sure.” I smiled, but knew it didn’t reach my eyes. I was arguing with myself internally. Maybe it would be better if I left France. Too many people thought I was a witch here, and that was okay when I wasn’t one. But it was far too dangerous for me here now. I had a royal pardon, but no doubt that it would be rescinded if I didn’t follow the king’s every order.

When we got to Fergus’ door, I held my hand out to stop Jamie’s arm. “Do you think it might be time to go back to Scotland?”  
“I willna go wi’out ye Sassenach.” He looked alarmed.  
“I meant the three of us.”  
“Truth be told, even after what happened last night, yer safer here than ye would be in Scotland.”  
“But here everyone knows I’m a witch. In Scotland, I’m just a Sassenach.”  
“Ye’ll be a charred Sassenach before long.” At his words, I dropped my hand from his arm. “Scotland is a superstitious country. Ye’ll no’ last a month.”  
“I…” I stumbled back. “I have to go.” I rushed down the stairs in only my shift with Jamie calling out my name.

I ended up in my herb garden. There were a few herbs that could be harvested. I got to work, dirt collecting under my fingernails and tears collecting on my cheeks.

Fergus appeared dressed and carrying my wicker basket. “Milord told me to tell you he will come back tomorrow with Murtagh and his cousins to finish my room.”  
“Thank you Fergus.” I took the basket from him and started to collect the herbs I had already harvested and set aside into it.  
“Milady?” He seemed nervous. I set down the herbs and looked up at him. “I heard you talking about Scotland. Are you leaving?”  
“Not for a while.”  
“You have been a very kind mère to me milady, I do not want you to go.”  
“Oh Fergus. I would never go without you.” I pulled him down to a hug. He gripped me tightly and I kissed the top of his head where it rested on my shoulder.

Fergus helped me collect the remaining herbs and then bring them inside. I quickly changed into a dress and pulled my hair back, and then I opened up the shop. My hours had been more erratic since I met both Jamie and Fergus. But I only regretted it a little.

I swept the shop floor and sold bundles of herbs to customers. It was a normal day. Plenty ordinary until a small man, who vaguely resembled a frog, walked into my shop.

“Bonjour Madonna.” He said with a trusting smile.  
“Bonjour, but my name is Claire, not Madonna.”  
“Of course. It is but a nickname. I thought you would prefer it to your other nickname.”  
“Well then, Madonna it is.” I smiled, baffled by the small man.  
“I am Master Raymond. I wanted you to know that you have a friend. Should you ever need one.”  
“That’s very kind, but I’m not sure anybody can help me with my problems right now.”  
“Maybe not all of your problems, Madonna, but the young man will come back, and I can certainly help with your newfound gifts.”  
“How did you know?” I wasn’t sure whether he was friend or foe, but he knew too much to discount either way.   
“I am like you.” I raised my eyebrows. “Well, only somewhat like you.”  
“We should talk in the other room.” I locked up and showed Master Raymond to the back room.

We sat across the table from one another. “So tell me, Madonna, what magic have you done so far?” I watched his face. As far as I could tell, he was genuine and at least moderately trustworthy.  
“I burnt the Duke of Sandringham, and I created a soul-bond, or something, between Jamie and I. It was an accident, I didn’t know.”  
“Ahh, Madonna. You cannot create a soul-bond. Only God can do that. You just revealed it. You have been having shared dreams yes?”  
“Yes.” I nodded.  
“Strong. You and Jamie are destined. He will come back. Of that I am certain.”

I let out a breath of relief. I didn’t know why I trusted him. I didn’t know him. But he seemed legitimate.

“Try using your magic when you are alone. The quicker you learn to control it, the less likely you are to be caught.”  
“I have a pardon from King Louis.”  
“Oh, my dear, that will only last until you start to scare people. Find control. I will see you soon.”  
“Oh, you’re leaving?”  
“Oui, you have a visitor.” 

As I led Master Raymond to the door, I saw Jamie waiting outside with his eyes glued to his feet. “Until we meet again Madonna.” Master Raymond disappeared down the street.  
“Jamie. Fergus said you wouldn’t be back until tomorrow.”  
“Aye, that was the plan.”  
“And now?”  
“I dinna want tae leave with ye angry at me. I shouldna have gone. But I’m here now. Can ye forgive me?”  
“I understand you don’t want me to get hurt. There’s nothing to forgive, I’m sorry for running away.”  
“If ye really want tae go tae Scotland, I’ll take ye both. It’s no’ a good idea tae disrespect the king, but if it’s what ye want we can go.”  
“I’ve been thinking too. You know Scotland better than I do. We should wait until I have control.”  
“I think that’s a wise idea.”

Not too much later, a messenger arrived from Louise inviting me to tea the next day. “Are ye okay with four strange Scots in yer house while yer out tomorrow Sassenach?” Jamie asked when I told him about the invitation.  
“Four?”  
“Aye. There’ll be me o’ course, Murtagh, and my cousins Rupert and Angus. The lad’s bedroom should be finished by the time ye get back tomorrow.”  
“Yes, thank you Jamie.”  
“And then I’m just gonna have tae find another excuse tae spend time here, wi’ ye.”  
“You don’t need an excuse.” I said, taking a step closer to him.  
“No?” Jamie’s hands moved to rest on my waist. They were large and firm, stable, trustworthy.  
“No.” I tilted my head back and pressed my lips to his. As I settled into the kiss, my hand reached up and found its way into Jamie’s red curls. He moaned and pressed up against me.

He pulled back eventually to allow up both a breath, and rested his forehead on mine. The fire was crackling loudly behind us. I turned. “I didn’t make a fire.” I said.  
“Maybe ye were right about getting control.”  
“Are you scared?”  
“I’m terrafied.” He said and I pulled back. “No’ of ye Sassenach, fer ye. I verra much dinna want ye tae be killed.”  
“Well, I don’t want that either.”

Jamie didn’t stay too long after that. He seemed much lighter than he had since we found out about my magic or abilities or whatever the hell it was.

That night, I dreamt of a hearth. Jamie and I were lying on a tartan blanket on the stone floor in front of the fire. “It’s nice here.” I said, moving my head to look at him.  
“Aye, it’s verra bonny.” He said looking at me.  
“Wait, Jamie. I think I can control the dream now.”  
“Me too.”

It was weird to be totally in control in a dream. It felt like reality, but I knew we weren’t actually in that house, we were separate and in our own beds in Paris. I realised with each new dream of the two of us, came more control.

The hearth changed and suddenly we were standing outside Lallybroch again. “Did you…?” I asked.  
“Aye.” Complete control for both of us then.  
“I don’t understand what we’re supposed to do here.”  
“Show me some place from yer childhood Sassenach.”

I thought hard about a place that wouldn’t unsettle him with the existence of modern amenities. Egypt it was then.

Without warning, Jamie and I were standing over a thirteen year old me and my Uncle Lamb as we excavated an ancient collapsed pyramid. “Egypt.” I said, not tearing my eyes from my uncle’s face. Had it really been over three years since I'd seen him?  
“Is that yer Da?”  
“No, my uncle. I lived with him when my parents died.” I unconsciously took a step towards Uncle Lamb.  
“He must be verra special tae ye.”  
“He was.”  
“I’m sorry, mo chridh.”  
“It was before I moved to France. It’s been a long time.”  
“No time is long enough. Losing a single parent is harsh on a child, I can’t imagine what it was tae lose three.”  
“Who did you lose?” I tore my eyes away from Uncle Lamb to look at Jamie.  
“My Ma. Murtagh loved her as much as my Da did. I think he came wi’ me because he couldn’t stay in Scotland wi’out her. Da dinna have that option. He has responsibility. Anyway, that’s enough fer one night.”

We were back at the hearth again. We stayed there in silence, taking in the warmth of the fire until we eventually woke.

Before I left my bedroom, I focused as hard as I could on moving my dress from the wooden chair it laid on to my hands. As hard as I tried though, nothing happened. I sighed and fell back against the pillows.

It wasn’t more than an hour before the four Scots were knocking on my door. I dressed up as nicely as I could for Louise and smiled shyly at the intake of breath from Jamie.

I recognised Rupert and Angus from the day I patched up Jamie. “It’s nice to see you both again.” I said kindly.  
“An’ yerself Mistress.” The larger of the men said, Rupert I thought.

I led them all up to Fergus’ room. He was awake but not yet dressed. I grabbed a bundle of his clothes and ushered him into my bedroom to get dressed.

The men started the work without complaint. When Fergus returned, much more awake, I announced that I was heading off to Louise’s house and I wouldn’t be more than a few hours.

She had sent a carriage which I gratefully stepped into. I smoothed my dress, nervous. I hadn’t had much contact with higher society except at the ball and when my services were needed. But I liked Louise and she had taken a shine to me. It would do nothing to be nervous.

Louise was far more dressed up than I was, but it was this fairly plain dress or the red one, and I would never wear that dress again. “Claire! Are you alright? I heard about what happened with the Duke of Sandringham. He has been yelling about it to whoever will listen.” She sat down and I followed on the couch next to her. We were served tea in expensive tea cups. I held mine in my lap. “He wants you to be executed.” I cringed.

Was this it? What Master Raymond said about the pardon only going so far. I grew angry. Angry at the Duke, at myself, at Master Raymond. I felt my blood boiling again and then the tea cup began to rattle. 

I looked down. The tea had started to boil in the small cup, but it didn’t burn me as it should have done. I placed the cup on the table and watched as it cooled down. Louise was looking at me strangely but I didn’t offer up an explanation.

“But it is fine. The king shut him down.” I sighed in relief. “Did you really burn him Claire?” I thought about lying to her, but she didn’t seem repulsed by witchcraft. My nom de guerre only endeared her to me.  
“I did.”  
“Wow. Will you do some magic for me Claire?”  
“I’m not sure I know how. It just happens sometimes.” I glanced at the tea cup.  
“Try, for me, s’il vous plait?”  
“I’ll try. No promises.” I stood.

I decided I wanted a nicer dress. I imagined thick, calloused hands unlacing me, a solid body pressed at my back. Lips moving down my spine as my dress was pulled down. The same hands held me as I pulled a more lavish gold gown over my body. They skimmed my bare skin, making me push into them at my breasts. I hesitated to cover myself, but then the hands moved back into place, lacing me up. 

This dress was perfect. It was white with stitched flowers down the middle in browns and greens and yellows, and the dress was framed with gold down my arms, my sides and across my back. The body behind me kissed the back of my neck and then disappeared.

I opened my eyes to find myself wearing the dress I imagine. “Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ. I did it!” Louise was staring at me open-mouthed.  
“Incroyable.” (Incredible.) She said breathless.  
“What exactly did that look like to you? Because in my mind… well it was indecent.”  
“Oh, the dress transformed. I’m amazed. You amazed me. I might need to use that trick of yours on some of my old dresses.”

The room was becoming stifling. I couldn’t quite catch my breath. And then I felt a warm liquid drop down onto my lips. I lifted my finger to it. Red. It was blood. My nose was bleeding.

And then my head started to pound. The world rocked back and forth and then I was on the floor. “What happened?” I asked Louise, who was overing over at me.  
“You fainted. You should go home Claire. I’ll see you again soon, but you need to rest.”  
“Of course.” I stood slowly, waiting for the dizziness to abate. “Thank you for the tea Louise.”  
“Thank you for the demonstration.”

I climbed back into the carriage and tried to stay conscious as we rode back home. The footman helped me to the door. I thanked him and he rode off.

I felt dizzy when I got inside. “Did ye have a good time lass? Ye were verra quick, we havena yet finished.” Murtagh said, but then he noticed my pale colour, my new dress and me stumbling. “Jamie!” He called out loudly. He caught me just as I fell this time, protecting my head.

Jamie appeared and slid beneath me on the floor. I moved my head to rest on his thigh and looked up at him. There was a horror-filled expression on his face, and pain, lots of pain.

He took my hand and held it. “Murtagh, would ye… leave us fer a moment?” I heard Jamie ask. I also heard Murtagh go upstairs. “Yer dress, mo chridh. Did…” I could hear his heart break. “Did ye get raped?” I felt tears fall onto my neck as he cradled me to him.  
“No Jamie. I didn’t.” I felt him shake around me.  
“What happened?”  
“Louise wanted me to show her some magic. I turned my dress into this one. But it took too much out of me I think and I fainted.  
“Lord willin’” Jamie pulled back from me. “yer like this because ye wanted a new frock? How stupid can ye be?”  
“I didn’t know this would happen Jamie.”  
“Oh aye Sassenach, yer only messin’ wi’ magic. No consequences there.”

I didn’t say anything, just let him calm down. After a while, his hand began to stroke through my hair and soon I was asleep.

“C’mon then.” Dream Jamie said. “Show me what happened.”  
“What’s done is done Jamie. Can’t we go somewhere nice and calm? I need to relax.”  
“After. D’ye no’ see what yer doing tae me? I need to ken ye’ll be alright.”  
“Okay.”

I focused a little and then we were both standing in Louise’s house. I thought we might watch what actually happened. But it was from my memory, so of course not.

Jamie and I watched on as I acquiesced to Louise’s request. I turned beet red as I watched memory-me stand and begin to be undressed. It wasn’t an unidentifiable presence behind me, it was Jamie. We both couldn’t look away as the other pair of us changed my dress.

I stared on as other-Jamie kissed the back of my neck. And then memory-me was fainting. “Christ Sassenach.”  
“Yeah, well, I lived it.”

Once he was finished evaluating my injuries in the memory, Jamie changed the dream so we were at the hearth again. It was comfortable. It felt right. “I’m sorry I yelled and got angry.” He said, holding me in a similar way to before we fell asleep. “I just worry about ye. Ye mean a lot tae me, ye ken?”  
“You mean a lot to me too.”

It was comfortable and warm waking up. I felt content.

I rolled over, straight into a solid weight. My eyes flew open. It was Jamie. My heart-rate steadied to normal levels and I smiled.

I watched as Jamie’s eyes peeled open slowly. “Morning Sassenach. Are ye feelin’ better?”  
“I am. Thank you.”  
“Sorry I’m in ye bed. My head was giving me hell and I needed tae lay down fer a bit.” I rose to action then, sitting up and leaning over Jamie, pushing his eyelids open. “Wha’ are ye doing?”  
“I’m looking to see if your brain is bleeding again.”  
“An’ ye can see the blood through my eyes?”  
“No. It’s just, when someone’s brain bleeds the blood takes up extra space which puts pressure on the brain. When there’s too much pressure, one of your pupils… the dark part of one of your eyes will get larger while the other doesn’t.” I pulled away, done with my examination.  
“So… have I got blood in my brain?”  
“Nope. You’re okay.”  
“Good, because we’ve got work tae do.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“Weel, Fergus needs tae ken about yer magic so that he doesna worry if ye get sick again.”  
“Jamie I feel fine.”  
“I ken ye do. But if it were him and no’ me there fer ye… I thought ye were dying Sassenach.”  
“I’m sorry. I wasn’t… I didn’t know that would happen.”  
“I ken. But ye’ve gotta tell the lad. And then, we practice. Only small stuff though.”  
“Okay.” I smiled. Despite his fear, Jamie was still willing to work with me on this.

I laid back down and yawned. Jamie started to laugh. “How’re ye tied already? Ye’ve no’ done a thing. C’mon. I’ll leave ye tae dress and then ye’ll tell Fergus.”  
“Okay.”

When he closed the door, I remembered something. I fell asleep on the floor downstairs still dressed and yet I woke up in my shift in bed. “Jamie.” I called out to him.  
“Aye?”  
“Did you carry me up the stairs?”  
“Aye.”  
“And undress me?” I knew he started to blush.  
“… Aye.” He said after a moment.  
“Thank you.” I said. There was no point in torturing the man.  
“O’ course.”

I decided I wanted to put the gold dress back on. It was beautiful. But I couldn’t quite pull the corset tight enough by myself.

I stepped out into the parlour, Jamie’s head whipped up to look at me. “Some help?” I asked, voice shaking slightly. He stepped towards me as I turned my back to him.

The only thing I could hear was the floor creaking and the two of us breathing. I shivered as he brushed aside my hair. His knuckles traced down the bare skin at the top of my back.

Jamie tightened the laces on my corset and pulled the gown up over my shoulders. “There. All done.” His voice was raspy.  
“I’ll go fix my hair then. I won’t be long.” So was mine. I ran off and disappeared into my bedroom.

I was too young. I’d never had a real relationship before. I’d have to lie to Jamie about my past. We would never work.

But I felt inexplicably drawn to him.


	4. we cannot hold mortality's strong hand (King John)

I tidied my hair quickly, braiding it with nimble fingers and then turned to Jamie. I took a breath and then knocked on Fergus’ bedroom door. I pushed it open to see Fergus pulling the sheets on his new bed taut. “It looks magnificent Fergus.” I said. It really did, Jamie and his family had done a fine job. I turned to him. “How much do the men want for the work?”  
“Jus’ the smile of a lady and her new son is enough.”  
“Nonsense. You all deserve a few coins.” I made a mental note to sort that out later.

“Fergus…” I started awkwardly, sitting on the end of his bed.  
“Oui milady?” He sat next to me.  
“I’ve… discovered something about myself recently. I do have magic.” I waited to watch his reaction. He didn’t appear scared or nervous. “I wanted to tell you because it made me very ill last night and made Jamie frightened. He didn’t want you to be frightened like that if you ever saw me become ill.”  
“D’accord.” (Okay.)  
“You can be scared for me, but I never want you to be scared of me. I want you to know that I would never ever hurt you.”  
“I know milady. I’m not scared. You heal people, not hurt them.”  
“Thank you Fergus.” I pulled him closer and hugged him tightly. “If you want, you may go to Maison Elise today. I’m sure the women would be excited to see you. Just make sure you’re home before dark.”  
“Thank you milady.”

I re-joined Jamie in the parlour. “I made ye some food.” He said, setting a plate stacked high with meat and bread and a bowl of porridge.  
“I’m not all that hungry.” I was far too nervous about using my magic again.  
“Ye’ll be stronger wi’ a full stomach.”  
“I suppose. Thank you.” I sat down and began to eat. Jamie sat opposite me and laughed, but quietly acquiesced when I pushed the bowl of porridge towards him.

We both ate in silence. I barely made a dent in mine. Fergus came in and I slid the plate in front of him. Jamie raised his eyebrows. “Come on, I ate as much as I could. I’ll be sick if I eat anymore.”  
“Fine.” Jamie stood and I followed him to the backroom downstairs. I wasn’t planning on opening the shop today except for an emergency. “Okay Sassenach. Light the fire.” I crouched down by the wood and reached for my tinderbox. “Wi’ magic mo chridh.”  
“Oh. Right.” Of course he meant for me to use my magic. I focused as hard as I could. I imagined a warmth. But warmth doesn’t create fire.

I reached up for Jamie’s hand and dragged him down to sit next to me in front of the logs. I envisioned a spark in between our two hands. Jamie jumped and tried to move away but I gripped him tighter. I guided our hands towards the logs and then dropped the spark.

Warmth quickly filled the room. “Christ, yer…” I looked up at Jamie. “Why did ye use my hand?”  
“I’m not sure. It just felt natural. Did it burn you?”  
“No. D’ye feel alright?”  
“I feel fine.”  
“Good. Wha’ else can ye do?”  
“I don’t know. Maybe I could change my hair colour.”  
“Dinna do that lass, yer hair is so bonny.”  
“Oh, okay.” I blushed. I never thought it was a nice colour, but it didn’t seem like he was lying to me. “Maybe I can heal.”  
“But ye’d need something tae heal first.”  
“Right.” I grabbed the blade that always sat attached to Jamie’s hip and raised it to my palm. Jamie gripped the hand with the knife in it and moved it over to his palm. Jamie used my hand to cut open his.

He wiped the blood off on his britches. I set about imagining the flesh stitching itself together. I ran my finger over the wound and it was healed, completely gone. “That’s definitely going to be useful.”  
“Aye.” Jamie seemed off.  
“Are you okay?”  
“Just a wee bit o’ nausea, dinna fash.” His skin was pale. I raised my hand to his cheek and saw the colour return. “Thank ye. An’ are ye alright? No’ feelin’ unsteady?”  
“No. I’m not sick. But you are. Do you not like the sight of blood?”  
“No’ my own when it’s outta my body where it shouldna be.”  
“I guess that’s fair enough.” I looked around for something else I could do and my eyes were drawn to the drying herbs that hung from the rafters. I stood up and extended my arms to a bundle.

I visualised the process of evaporation and watched heat come from my hands, clearly drying out the herbs.

Fergus rushed through the shop doors with a key I had given him. “Milady!” I dropped my arms. “Vera is giving birth!” He was crazed, grabbing my hand and pulling me out of the shop. “You have to help her, la bébé’s in trouble.”

I turned back around and headed inside. “No milady, you have to go.”  
“I need my medical box first.” Fergus breathed again, realising I was not leaving his friend in danger. Jamie was there then, carrying my medical box. He was quick to follow as the three of us headed to Maison Elise.

I didn’t know a lot about Vera, I’d only met her once. But I remembered she was about the same age as I was and that she hadn’t been working for Madam Elise all that long.

When we arrived, I could smell the sickly sweetness of death in the air. Fergus led us up the stairs to a bedroom. Vera was lying back on the bed in her shift. Her skin was so pale it looked translucent and the bed was stained red underneath her waist.

“Hello Vera.” I said, taking my medical box from Jamie and calmly moved over to Vera’s bed. “Do you remember me? We met once.”  
“Oui, La Dame Blanche.”  
“Yes, that’s me… Claire. I’m here to help you.”

I examined her quickly and talked her through the birth. Jamie kept outside, only coming in to be my assistant when I asked. And Fergus was sitting on Vera’s pillow, cradling her head in his lap.

It was a painful birth. A couple of times I placed my hand on Vera’s thigh and sucked the pain from her. Jamie knocked my hand away every time he saw it. “Yer doing enough Sassenach, no need to risk yerself too.” He whispered when I glared at him the first time.

After a while, Vera regained some of her colour and looked less frail. I cleaned up the baby, cutting the umbilical cord with a disinfected knife. Jamie had to leave at one point to retrieve some alcohol.

The baby was a girl. But I was afraid. She wasn’t crying. Vera started to panic. I heard Jamie and Fergus calming her down, but I didn’t turn my attention away from the child.

I laid my ear on her chest. I couldn’t hear a heartbeat. I began CPR, careful of breaking her ribs. I blew air into her mouth. I manually pumped her heart.

Tears stung at the corner of my eyes as I heard Vera crying. I kept up the CPR, even while Jamie came up behind me. He wrapped himself around my back and pulled my arms away from the baby.

I snatched back one of my hands and placed it over the baby’s heart. I imagined it beating, flowing blood, inflating lungs. When I opened my eyes she was dead. I lifted her in my arms and tried again.

I kept trying to breathe life into the baby with my magic until Jamie took her from my arms. “No! No, you can’t. She’ll die.” I said, voice scratchy from crying. Jamie looked at me like his heart was breaking.  
“She’s already dead Claire, stop. Ye did everything ye could.” He passed the baby over to a sobbing Vera.

I sank to the floor. My hands were braced against the wood. “Wha’ will ye call her, fer the grave?” Jamie asked Vera.  
“Clara. For Claire. You did so much, you tried everything. Thank you truly.” Vera said to me. I couldn’t breathe.  
“But it wasn’t enough.” I said.  
“No, but sometimes nothing is enough.” Vera said holding her daughter close to her chest.

Vera had called her Clara, after me. I appreciated the honour, but I couldn’t help but think it a bad omen. Young Clara heading straight for an early grave.

“I have to go.” I said to Jamie. “I need to leave.”  
“Aye, we can go.” Jamie said. “Fergus, stay wi’ Vera tonight, make sure she’s okay, come and get us if she’s no’.”

I felt Jamie lift me from the floor and carry me down the stairs and all the way home. I was shaking. I burrowed closer to his chest. 

He laid me carefully on the bed and then went to leave. “Jamie?”  
“Aye?” His face was soft.  
“Stay with me?”  
“Aye.” He removed his boots and then climbed onto the bed next to me.

Jamie held me in his arms and didn’t say anything about the tears that were soaking his shirt. He stroked down my back with a dependable consistency. “Jamie?” I mumbled against his chest. “What’s your last name?”  
“Fraser.” I felt the deep brogue echoing with my cheek pressed to his chest.  
“I was pregnant once.” I confessed. “I was in England with my Uncle Lamb on a dig… trying to find old relics and historical artefacts underground. He hired this research assistant Frank.

“Frank was older than me, but I liked his maturity. We… courted and well, he took my virginity. But then my” I paused. “courses were late. I thought Frank would want to marry me. I told him that I was with child and he told me I was a liar, that even if I was pregnant it wasn’t his.”  
“What happened?” Jamie asked, his mouth moving against my hair.  
“I lost the baby not long into the pregnancy. I was barely showing. It died inside me.” I took a breath. “And then I told my Uncle I wanted, needed to take a trip for myself. So I moved here.” Technically the trip was to Scotland, through the stones at Craigh Na Dun, and then here, but it ended the same.  
“I’m sorry Sassenach.”  
“I never wanted a child until I had one.”  
“D’ye still want a bairn?”  
“Bairn?”  
“Baby.”  
“Oh. I do. You’re young, I know, but have you ever thought about kids?”  
“Aye. I think about it sometimes. I think I’d want a whole litter.” I smiled.  
“As many as possible huh?”  
“Aye.” I felt him smile into my hair.

This time, when we fell asleep, we were in one of my memories. I watched, frozen in place, as a younger version of myself yelled at Frank over the telephone. “What do you expect me to do Frank? Be a single mother on the road? And what happens when your son or daughter asks where daddy is? What would you like me to tell them Frank?”

I could remember his reply as clear as day. “This is not my future Claire. Do what you want.” And then he hung up. I watched as younger-me was too shocked to cry. I gave it a minute and then sent us back to the hearth.

“Claire?” Jamie asked, obviously confused. “Wha’ was that?”  
“That was the last time I heard from Frank.” I evaded his actual question, but he didn’t give up.  
“An’ the thing in yer hand ye talked into?”  
“That… one day I will explain, I promise. But not today.”  
“Yer dress too… why no’ today?”  
“It’s not easy to tell, or believe, and I don’t want to risk you not believing me.”  
“Okay, no’ today. But someday, aye?”  
“Someday.” As much as I didn’t want to tell him the truth, for fear it would send him running, I had decided to trust him eventually.

“Can we have a quiet day? I haven’t had a quiet day in a really long time.” I asked when we both woke up. I was laying in his arms, his figure solid at my back.  
“I’ll go retrieve Fergus and check on Vera and then we can have a quiet day Sassenach.” Jamie swung his legs off the bed and grabbed his boots.  
“Thank you.” I rolled over, feeling scoured to the bone and world-weary. I sighed as Jamie left.

I hadn’t thought about Frank in a really long time. I knew I never loved him and he never loved me but the betrayal stung no less.

I had made breakfast and boiled some water to put in the bath tub for Fergus to wash. “Wash first, then eat.” I said as he came through the door, solemn mood lifted a little. I passed over a vial of lavender oil for him to use.  
“But milady, I don’t want to smell like a girl.”  
“You live here Fergus. You already smell of pretty herbs. Even Jamie’s starting to smell like them.”

Fergus took the oil and disappeared to bathe. Jamie and I sat down to eat while we waited. “How’s Vera?” I asked.  
“She’s much better. Wanted me tae say thank ye again.” We sat in silence eating until Jamie spoke up again. “So Sassenach, what does a quiet day consist of fer ye?”  
“Well, I have to wash some of mine and Fergus’ clothes and then I thought the three of us could talk, tell stories, get to know each other better.”  
“Aye, tha’ sounds like a bonny idea.”  
“I should probably wash your clothes as well, you’ve got some blood on them.”  
“Aye, if ye insist.”  
“I do.” I smiled. I wondered who took care of him before he met me. He hadn’t been in France very long, but Murtagh seemed important to him. “Jamie, is Murtagh married?”  
“Why, are ye interested?” His eyes sparkled and I laughed.  
“Not like that. I was wondering who took care of you both.”  
“We take care of each other. Jus’ like me and ye.” He smiled at me and I smiled shyly back. But I couldn’t help but think that I had abducted Jamie from Murtagh. He spent all of his time here and hadn’t seen a great deal of his godfather.

Fergus returned dripping wet in his last clean shirt and britches. He moved to sit but I took his shoulder before he did. “Milady?”  
“You’re all wet. Hold on a moment.” I imagined warm air blowing all around him, pulling the moisture from his skin and hair.  
“Sensationnel milady.” (wow) Fergus laughed, all warm and dry now. He sat down to eat.  
“Hopefully washing the clothes will be just as easy.” I said.

When I had finished eating, I gathered mine and Fergus’ clothes and put some more water on to boil. I looked around for something for Jamie to wear but only had my blanket. "It’s only for a few hours, until your clothes are dry.”

He came back naked but for the blanket wrapped around him like a kilt. Jamie passed over his clothes. “I’ve never seen you wear a kilt. Is it something you used to wear in Scotland?”  
“Aye, everra day. But it got lost on the journey here, an’ ye canno’ get a kilt in France.”  
“Tonight, show it to me and I’ll see what I can do.” I said cryptically.

We moved everything outside into the garden. I gasped in shock at what I found there. “Jamie, it’s beautiful. When… How?” I ran my hands over the smooth wood of the new bench that faced my herb garden. The back had some simple carvings of strawberries. Fraser. I smiled.  
“We had some extra wood. T’was me being selfish Sassenach. I wanted a place to sit an’ watch ye in yer wee garden.”  
“Thank you, it’s wonderful.”

I began to wash the clothes as my boys sat on the new bench. “Fergus?” I asked.  
“Oui milady?”  
“Perhaps you could tell us about your life until you came here. I haven’t had a lot of time to hear about it but we’ve got time now.” I smiled.  
“D’accord.” (Okay.) Fergus started to regale Jamie and I of his early childhood living at Maison Elise.

His mother died in childbirth and it was unclear whether his father was a patron of Maison Elise or a lover of his mother. The girls promised he’d not be a bother and that they’d look after him. So during the day he was doted on, and at night he was watched by whichever girl had the night off.

He told us about his innate ability to pickpocket and how he often stole from the men when their heads were turned. But that he only stole to help feed himself, to take the pressure off Madam Elise so she wouldn’t kick him out. 

And then, one day, he was in one of the bedrooms when a man came in. He was beaten for not being submissive and letting the man fuck him. Fergus said that when the man left, he tossed a coin that hit the boy in the head.

“Tha’s a hell of a story lad.” Jamie looked thoughtful.  
“Oui, but then I met milady, and you milord. I liked the women but it didn’t feel like home.”  
“Aye, I would think no’. Sassenach, I’d wager ye’ve got a few stories yerself. I think it’s yer turn.”  
“Alright.” I tried to think of something. There were so many stories I couldn’t tell because they involved something that hadn’t happened yet. But Egypt was a safe bet, and Jamie already knew a little about it.

“As you know, I travelled the world with my uncle. He was” will be “an archeologist. We went to many places, but one of my favourites was Egypt.”  
“Why Egypt?” Fergus asked.  
“Because of all the history.” I gave them both a brief history lesson about the pyramids and pharaohs and Gods. “I think it’s incredible how so many civilisations separated by seas and time built similar structures. The Ancient Egyptians had the pyramids and so did the Mayans and the Aztecs, there are some in China and Italy too. It’s unbelievable.”  
“And wha’ did those civilisations use them fer?”  
“Some used them as temples, places of worship. But most built them as mausoleums or places for burial. It was fascinating opening up the wall of one of the pyramids in Egypt with Uncle Lamb. The air was thick, hadn’t been breathed for centuries, and our lamps didn’t light up all that much. We found several sarcophagus’, coffins.”  
“Were there bodies inside?” Fergus was enthralled by my story.  
“Yes.” I said with a huge smile on my face. “But they didn’t look like you or me, the bodies had been there so long they had mummified. Their skin was like leather and they wore enough gold to fill your bedroom.” Fergus laughed.  
“How did they build the pyramids then, if they’re as tall as ye said?” Jamie asked curiously.  
“They built in stages. They’d build layers and when they couldn’t reach anymore, they built ramps of mud brick and rubble. As the pyramids got taller, they made the ramps taller, and then wider to make sure they would stay up. All along the walls inside would be carved, and sometimes painted, hieroglyphics. It was there written language but it was in pictures. They told of the events that happened. Most would be related to whatever pharaoh, king, laid buried in that pyramid. It’s like nothing you could ever believe. Haunting and beautiful at the same time.”  
“D’ye ever want tae go back? I ken yer Uncle Lamb wouldna be there, but…”  
“As much as I loved it, it would be different now.”  
“Wi’out him, aye.” No, I thought, in this time. But I nodded anyway.

I turned away to pin up the wet clothes to dry. “I guess it’s my turn now.” Jamie said. Fergus turned his attention on him, and I often turned my head to look back at him. “I’ve told ye of some of this story Fergus, but Claire hasna heard it, so don’t spoil the ending.” He smiled and Fergus nodded dutifully. I finished hanging up the laundry so I sat at Jamie’s feet, leaning back against his legs. His hands found their way into my hair.

“My mother was a MacKenzie, the laird’s elder sister. Neither of her brothers wanted her tae marry but fer love. Back then the relationship between Clan MacKenzie and Clan Grant was strained a’ best, violent a’ worst. Each week there’d be a report or two of cattle robbin’ or brawls between the clan men. So, tae make peace, my uncles decided they would marry my mother tae a Grant.” Jamie’s hands were still in my hair, pulling twigs and leaves from it and combing it through with his fingers.

“They prepared for a great weddin’. But, when it was time fer Grant tae meet my mother Ellen, neither turned up. I dinna think Grant wanted to marry a MacKenzie as much as my mother dinna want to marry a Grant. She ran off wi’ my father Brian Fraser, and Grant left wi’ a horse by himself.”  
“What happened then?” I asked when he paused.  
“They holed up in a cottage fer a few months. They got married and as soon as my mother was showing wi’ child, they returned. My uncles werena happy but the Grants were as embarrassed as the MacKenzies. Grant dinna ken that Ellen had left. So they came to a peaceful negotiation. All was well.”  
“And your parents went to Lallybroch?”  
“Aye, they did.”

I wish I could remember my parents past my father’s smile and my mother’s lips on my forehead. Would I love them as much as Jamie clearly loved his, or would I be disinterested as I knew some to be, especially in my time? What kind of person would I have become if they raised me in Oxfordshire and not travelling with Uncle Lamb? Maybe not as adaptable. I might not have been able to survive here without his guidance. Gosh I missed him so much. He would love this, 18th century France. It would be another adventure to him.

“Are ye alright mo chridh?” Jamie asked. I was sniffling, I hadn’t even realised.  
“Fine. I just miss my uncle.”  
“Aye. Weel, I’m sure he’d be proud of ye.”  
“For what?”  
“Survivin’, becoming a strong lady, taking in a couple a’ strays.” He laughed. Jamie rested his hand on my shoulder. I reached up and took it in mine.  
“I think you’re right.” I said. “I think he’d like the new family I’ve built.”

We watched the insects and butterflies about the garden for a while until somebody came around the side of the house. Jamie stood, helping me up. “Mistress Beauchamp?”  
“That’s me.” I brushed the dirt off my dress.  
“The king wishes to see you right away.”  
“So much for a quiet day.” I said under my breath. “I need to get changed into a more suitable dress first. I’ll be as quick as I can.” The man nodded.


	5. the course of true love never did run smooth (A Midsummer Night's Dream)

I took down my golden dress and stepped back into the house. “Jamie, do you mind?” I lifted the dress. His face turned red.  
“O’course.” And then he followed me upstairs. I used magic to dry off my dress and then stripped quickly. Jamie faced the other way until I told him to turn around and help me with the laces. While he did that, I fixed my hair. I elbowed him in the face a few times by accident but he didn’t say anything. “I should go wi’ ye.” He said when I was ready.  
“You can’t.”  
“I can.” Stubborn bastard.  
“I need you to watch Fergus, and you’re only wearing a blanket.”  
“Right.” He blushed again. “I wish ye hadn’t agreed tae this.”  
“I know. But you can’t refuse the king. I’ll be safe.” His hand trailed over my waist and he looked to the floor. “I promise.” I rested my hand on his and then stepped away letting both our hands drop.

I rejoined the messenger and he led me to the carriage. Fergus hugged me tight. I kissed his forehead. “Be good for Jamie. Watch over him for me.”  
“Oui milady.” He let go and I climbed into the carriage.

It took a while to get to the palace and then I was lead through to a large parlour. It looked like it was only used for entertaining in large quantities.

King Louis’ arrival was announced and then he walked in and sashayed over to me. “La Dame Blanche,” He said rather loudly. I was distinctly aware of ever pair of eyes in the room on my now, if they weren’t before. “I was hoping for a demonstration of your gifts for my guests.”  
“Certainly my king.” I curtseyed and then looked around the room. There must have been forty people there, easily. “What would you like me to do?”  
“Something entertaining.” He smiled and then stepped away from me, joining his guests. It made me feel weird, like he was hiding something, like he couldn’t be trusted.

I looked around for an idea, shaking that thought from my head. It was treasonous. What was more entertaining than music, I thought? I turned to where some instruments were on display. Remembering one of the songs from the ball, one that everyone knew but no one knew the name of, I encouraged the instruments to start playing.

It only took a moment until they began to move. “Incroyable.” (Incredible.) Louis said. I continued to focus through the song, hearing it in my head before I heard it out loud.

Back in the 20th century, music was an important part of my life. Uncle Lamb and I weren’t picky, playing whatever we had on hand on the gramophone he brought with him everywhere. But this brought a smile to my face. I was never a creative person. I couldn’t play music to save my life, but now I could apparently.

When the song was over, I received a round of applause and then Louis came over to me. “Parfait mademoiselle, you may go now, but I wait impatiently until I see you again.” (Perfect.) I curtseyed again and walked through the palace.

At the door, I stumbled. I fell and rolled down the steps until the man from earlier appeared and helped me up. “Are you feeling well?” He asked.  
“I… I’m not sure.”  
“Mademoiselle, your nose.” I raised my fingers and found it was bleeding again.  
“I have to get home now.” I said, my urgent tone starting him into action.  
“Of course.”

On the ride back, I was vaguely aware of drifting in and out of consciousness. I felt cold and disconnected from my body. It was strange. My nose hadn’t ceased bleeding, staining my golden dress red.

I couldn’t think. It was all broken sentences. Brief images. My world was rocking, flashes of light.

The movement stopped, and then after a few minutes I felt strong arms lift me from the carriage and lay me down on my bed. I felt calmer, ready to fall asleep.

I wasn’t bleeding anymore. A warm, wet cloth wiped the liquid off. Laces were pulled to allow me to breathe. With each moment, I felt myself closer to returning.

Calloused hands caressed my face. “Tha gràdh cho mòr agam ort. Thig air ais thugam Claire.” (I love you so much. Come back to me Claire.)

It was hours before I gained enough strength to open my eyes. Jamie was peering over at me, lying beside me on the bed. “Claire!” He smiled and sat up.  
“I’m alive.” I breathed heavily, unable to move. Jamie looked like he didn’t know what to do.  
“So much fer a quiet day.” He said eventually. I laughed until my head pounded. “Wha’ happened? I thought ye hadn’t been sick again.”  
“I wasn’t. It was wonderful Jamie. I created an orchestra. The instruments played themselves and it sounded just like the original music.”  
“Tha’s great an’ all, but ye’ve been passed out fer hours. If I dinna ken it was magic I woulda taken ye tae l’hôpital.”  
“Don’t worry.” I reached out and placed my palm on his cheek. I ignored the glistening of tears in his eyes. “I’m better now. I didn’t mean to upset you.”  
“Are ye hungry?” He changed the subject.  
“No. If you can believe it, I’m really tired.”  
“I’m no’ sure ye should go to sleep.”  
“I’ll be fine. And if you go to sleep too, you can keep an eye on me.”

I settled back against the pillow as Jamie did the same on the other side. I’m not sure when us sleeping together became normal, but it was. During this time if we were caught, I could suffer great loss because of it; reputation, trust, dignity, my business. I could end up penniless and shunned. But Jamie wouldn’t lose anything.

Still, it felt nice having a warm body next to me on the bed. I noticed now that Jamie was wearing his clean clothes, not the blanket anymore and that reminded me of my idea.

When we were both asleep, I moved closer to Jamie. “Show me your old kilt.” He humoured me and took us to a memory where he was wearing a Fraser kilt. I did everything I could to memorise the pattern, the fabric, the weight and the display of it on his body.

Satisfied, I brought us back to the hearth. “Do you ever miss it?” I asked.  
“Miss what?”  
“The countryside. It’s so built up everywhere here. There’s no space. There’s no freedom.”  
“Sounds like ye miss it.” He said.  
“I do.”  
“As do I. But yer wrong. There is space and freedom.”  
“Where?” I asked, genuinely curious.  
“Here. We can go anywhere and do anything wi’out consequences.”  
“This doesn’t count. None of this is real.” I argued.  
“Of course it counts. An’ it feels real enough for me.”

I looked out the window for a minute, taking in what he said. I had no idea these dreams of our were that important to him.

I sucked in a breath when I saw Master Raymond walking through the field towards us. “Wha’ is it?” Jamie came to stand by my shoulder. “Who is that?” He amended.  
“Master Raymond. He knows about my powers. The truth, not what everyone else thinks.”  
“An’ how is he here?”  
“I’ve no idea.” I walked away to head out through the front door to ask him just that.

“Madonna, I need you to wake up. I have to speak with you.” Master Raymond said when I got close.  
“Where are you?”  
“In your shop. Wake up Madonna.”

I was thrown from sleep, breathing like I’d run a marathon. I wiped the sweat from my face and quickly laced up my dress again. Jamie was still asleep.

I found Master Raymond downstairs in the back room. “I am so glad you’re alive.” He said.  
“I’m fine.” It was true. I was completely healed, no pains or lingering nausea of any kind.  
“Good, good. I suppose you are wanting answers.”  
“Yes.”  
“I’ve never seen this, but I’ve read a great deal about it.”  
“Seen what?”  
“Your soul-bond. Jamie is akin to an energy source for you. I believe he triggered your powers when you met him, that’s how you were able to use the magic to reveal the soul-bond connection. You can do magic without getting ill when he’s around?”  
“Come to think of it, I can.”  
“And when you’re apart, you cannot.”  
“Yes.”  
“Keep him close and you’ll be fine. You seem to have control of your abilities now which is good. I believe you were able to come through the stones at Craigh Na Dun” I froze. “because they recognised your magic and sent you to your soulmate so that your powers could be triggered.”  
“Ignoring the bomb you dropped about the stones for a moment, I’ve been here for three years. Shouldn’t I have met Jamie when I first came through?”  
“You were in Scotland were you not?”  
“Yes.”  
“And Jamie was in Scotland?”  
“Yes.”  
“Maybe the fates decided you both needed more time. He would’ve been fourteen. Perhaps Jamie needed to get ready for you.”  
“Okay… Why is this happening?” I was becoming somewhat hysterical.  
“That is one question I cannot answer Madonna.”  
“Then… how do you know about the stones?”  
“It’s Scotland’s worst kept secret. But if you’re actually asking me why I believe in their power, I lived there for a time. I watched several women of Balnain appear and then disappear again when it was their time.”  
“Wait, their time?”  
“Claire!” I heard Jamie yell and then heard his heavy footsteps as he thundered down the stairs looking for me.  
“Are you saying I have to go back one day?” Jamie came into the room. Master Raymond stood.  
“Goodbye Madonna. Until we meet again.”  
“No, wait! Please.” I couldn’t breathe. I could only hear my blood rushing through my ears. “Will I go back?”  
“The future is unstable.” He reached the door.  
“That’s not an answer.” I yelled at him.  
“I cannot say without disrupting the timeline.” And then he was gone.

Jamie grabbed me as I fell trying to rush after Master Raymond. “Careful mo chridh.” He lifted me back to stand.  
“Where’s Fergus?”  
“No’ here. I asked Murtagh tae take him when I dinna think ye’d wake.”  
“I need to see him.”  
“Alright Sassenach, I’ll take ye tae him.”

I was more steady on my feet now as Jamie led me to where he was staying when he wasn’t with me. “My cousin Jared’s a nice man, rather generous, he’s letting all of us stay wi’ him. Even Rupert and Angus even though they arena his kin. This is it Sassenach.”

We walked up to a veritable mansion. It looked intimidating. “Are you sure I’m allowed to be here?” I asked self consciously.  
“Aye Sassenach, ye are.” Jamie brought me inside, ignoring all the servants and followed the sound of Murtagh’s booming voice.

“Murtagh?” Jamie called.  
“I want to know if my mama’s alright.” A small French voice said, Fergus. My heart clenched, it was the first time he’d called me that.  
“Jamie’ll come wi’ news when he can. Give me back my sporran.” Murtagh said.

I giggled at the sight of my six year old staring down Murtagh and clutching the bag that was usually attached to Murtagh’s belt. “Mama!” Fergus noticed me and ran over, dropping the sporran.  
“I missed you.” I said, lifting him into my arms.  
“I missed you too. Murtagh wouldn’t let me come see you.”  
“He was right to. You would’ve been bored. All I did was sleep.” I kissed his cheek.  
“But you’re better now?”  
“I am.” I nodded. Fergus wriggled out of my grip.  
“Then we can go home?”  
“I thought,” Jamie stepped in. “maybe ye could both stay here fer the night? Yer mam will be needing rest and she can do that wi’ people here tae take care of ye both.”  
“That sounds great.” I smiled at his thoughtfulness. I moved over to Jamie and whispered in his ear. “But if we stay here, it wouldn’t be appropriate to share a room.”  
“Aye Sassenach, but that doesna stop us from sharin’ our dreams.” He stepped back.  
“Fine. I’d like to talk to Murtagh for a moment alone.”  
“O’ course. C’mon Fergus, let’s leave yer mam tae talk.”

Soon I was left alone with Murtagh. “Thank you for looking after him. I’m sure he was a handful.”  
“The lad was jus’ worried fer ye.”  
“I know Jamie lost his kilt, but I wondered if you still had yours.”  
“Och, no’ fer a while. It was left at Lallybroch by mistake.”  
“And was it the same as Jamie’s?”  
“Aye. Fraser colours.” He beamed proudly.  
“Do you think you could find me two bits of old cloth that no one wants?”  
“O’ course. I’ll be right back.”

Murtagh disappeared but returned quick enough. I figured Jamie was close enough to be doing this. I took the first bit of dirtied and torn fabric and closed my eyes. I pictured it turning into a Fraser kilt. I saw the heaviness of the material, the pattern and the way it flowed. Murtagh was speechless. He had seen me do magic before but not with any obvious effect. This was quite different.

I turned the second piece of fabric into another Fraser kilt and then opened my eyes. “Here.” I passed Murtagh one. “For you. For everything you’ve done for me.” He looked like he was about to cry.  
“Thank ye Claire. I… thank ye.”  
“Well go on, try it on. Make sure I didn’t mess it up.” I smiled at him as he escaped to try the kilt on. “I think it’s your turn James Fraser.” I could feel his presence in the doorway.  
“Aye. I believe it is.” He too looked like a kid on Christmas as I passed him the bundle.  
“Off you go then.”

Both men came back with huge smiles on their faces, wearing the kilts. I never thought I’d be attracted to knees before. But holy hell.

“I dinna ken this is what ye wanted tae do when ye wanted tae see my kilt. Yer a wonder mo chridh.” Jamie walked closer to me, the fabric swishing at his knees. I licked my lips. “Ah, I see. T’is a selfish gift, like the bench.” Jamie was smirking.  
“No.” I said, acting outraged. “I just thought it was important to you. If you’re quite finished,” Both he and Murtagh were trying not to laugh. “I have to find Rupert and Angus. They both deserve something for Fergus’ bedroom.  
“Relax lass, all they did was drink the whisky.” Murtagh said.  
“Fine.”

Jared was in fact a nice man I later discovered. He put me up with Fergus in a room down the hall from Jamie. Rupert and Angus returned after dinner smelling a lot like alcohol. “Och Claire, we dinna ken ye’d be here.” Rupert said.  
“Aye, if we did, we mighta come back sooner. I’m sure ye missed us.” Angus said.  
“Like a rash.” I said smiling. “I though you both might be deserving of payment.”  
“Payment?” Angus was all smiles and the picture of innocence.  
“For the work you did on Fergus’ bedroom.”  
“Aye, weel, it was nought.” Rupert said and then Angus elbowed him in the side. “Nought but hard tiring work.”  
“Here.” I extended my arm to Rupert and dropped a few coins into his palm. I did the same for Angus.  
“Thank ye Mistress.”  
“You’re welcome. I think I might retire to bed now. Thank you for your hospitality Jared.”

I lifted a sleeping Fergus into my arms and then carried him up to bed. Jamie followed close behind. He knocked on the door frame. “I think it’s time we talked.” I said as I pulled the blankets over my son.  
“Aye.” He came into the room and closed the door behind him. It was only mildly inappropriate seeing as Fergus was in the room with us.

We sat down at a small table that held a decanter of whisky. I poured us both a glass and then cleared my throat. “I’ve a lot to tell you. Just… give me a chance to explain as best as I can.”  
“Alright.” Jamie looked anxious now but I began anyway.

“Three years ago, I went to Scotland after I lost my baby. I visited Craigh Na Dun and I fell through the standing stones there. Jamie, I was born on the twentieth of October in 1918.”  
“What?”  
“Master Raymond said it was something to do with the women of Balnain.”  
“Balnain ye say?”  
“Yes, do you know it?”  
“Aye, women appearing at the faery hill, lost in time.”  
“Well I’m one of those women. That’s what the memory was before. In my time, they have invented this thing called a telephone. It allows you to speak to anyone in the world as long as you know the number that corresponds to their telephone.”  
“Right.” He swallowed thickly. I then went on to talk about what Master Raymond had told me about our bond. “So ye got sick because I wasna there?”  
“I suppose.”  
“Then whenever the king wants ye, I’ll be there. Murtagh can watch the lad. I’ll no’ be letting ye risk yerself again.”  
“You seem way more calm than I would’ve thought you’d be.”  
“I want ye tae show me. When we’re asleep, I mean.”  
“Show you what?”  
“Craigh Na Dun, the future. As much as ye can.”  
“You don’t believe me.” My chest hurt.  
“I do. I jus’ need ye tae help me understan’ better. I believe ye Claire.”  
“You believe me.” I breathed. “Of course I’ll show you. You’d best get to your own room then.” Jamie nodded and left. I finished my glass and then joined Fergus in the bed. I couldn’t wait to get to sleep.

Jamie and I were at the top of the hill at Craigh Na Dun. He watched as I walked around examining the flowers until I heard the buzzing sound. I touched the tallest stone and began to disappear.

He watched awe-struck as I woke up on the ground. I showed him how I hid in the bushes at night and walked during the day to Inverness, amassing enough money healing on the road to buy passage to France.

I showed him planes and cars and telephones and gramophones and everything I could think of to convince him that I wasn’t raving mad. “It’s certainly somethin’.” He said. “Why did ye no’ go back through?”  
“This is my home now. Other than Uncle Lamb, I have no one to go back to. But I think if he knew, he’d approve.”  
“Weel, I’m glad ye did stay Sassenach.”  
“Yeah? How glad?” I moved closer to him.  
“So verra glad.” Jamie stepped into my space so that we touched from chest to toe.  
“Yeah?” I breathed.  
“Aye.” Jamie tipped his head and captured my lips in his.

We were standing before the hearth now, our minds taken over by the kiss. Jamie slid his arms up my waist and I looped mine around his neck. One of my hands played with the hair at the nape of his neck.

I sat down, leaning my back against Jamie’s chest, watching the fire crackle and trying to catch my breath. “Is it usual, what it is between us when I touch ye? Is it always so between a man and a woman?” I could feel Jamie’s lips against the back of my neck.  
“No, this isn’t usual. It’s different.”  
“Aye. I dinna want tae go back.”  
“We don’t have a lot of choice about that. We can’t sleep forever.”  
“Aye, maybe no’. But we can have this now.” I turned my head and felt his lips press against mine again. I smiled.

I was more than a little disappointed to wake up alone but for Fergus. “You don’t mind me calling you mama, right?” His voice was soft and vulnerable in the still room.  
“Of course I don’t.” He curled up in my arms and rested his head on my shoulder.

The next week or so was spent with as much normality as possible. Jamie tried to limit the sleepovers, I worked in the shop with Fergus helping me with deliveries here and there. We were trying to create a routine. Jamie never kissed me when we were awake apart from that first time, however there were many nights spent together before the hearth, his lips finding mine in the light of the fire.

But all that we had worked so hard to build shattered with a single demand from the king.

Jamie was waiting by the carriage as I made my way into the palace. There were no guests this time. The king was alone. I was directed into a ridiculously decorated bedroom. “I’ve never taken a witch before. Lie down.” My stomach clenched but I laid back on the bed. He was the king, he could have me killed. I could end up without a head, or drowned, or burnt. I had to let him do this. It was the only way to survive.

I looked up at the ceiling, unable to close my eyes as I felt my dress being bunched up at my waist by the wrong man. Britches were pulled down and I tried to think of something arousing so it wouldn’t hurt so bad. But all I could think of was Jamie waiting outside for me. Tears filled my eyes as I felt Louis push into me.

He was quick and didn’t expect anything from me but to lay there with my legs open. His hands were tight where they gripped my waist. I would almost certainly end up with bruises. When he pulled out, he didn’t waste time and dismissed me. I pulled my skirts down and hurried out. I could feel his come sliding down my legs as I walked.

“Is everything okay mo chridh?” Jamie asked when he saw me.  
“Fine. I just want to go home.” My heart was breaking and I couldn’t look him in the eyes.

He didn’t ask me any questions like he would usually, seeing the shame in my face. He didn’t even say anything when the carriage dropped me off home.

Jamie engulfed me in his arms. I pressed my head to his chest and let myself cry. “Maybe it’s time to return to Scotland mo chridh?” I nodded into his chest. “Take a bath and then pack. I’ll go find us a ship.” He kissed the top of my head and then stepped back.  
“Thank you.” I said, eyes shining with tears.  
“I shouldna have let it get this far, I’m sorry.” He sounded almost as bad as I felt. And then he was gone.

I went inside and took his advice. I scrubbed until I was red all over and my skin was burning, and then I packed up some clothes, herbs, food and my hidden grimoire.

“Mama, are we going somewhere?” Fergus asked when I came into his room to pack up his things.  
“Yes. We’re moving to Scotland.”  
“With milord and Murtagh?”  
“Yes.”

Fergus seemed excited which only got worse when Jamie returned with tickets for us all to leave tonight. “I dinna think I would get us passage so soon, but I got lucky. Have ye everything packed?”  
“I have, but how am I meant to sell the shop?”  
“Perhaps ye could ask Louise or Madam Elise tae sell it fer ye and get them tae send the money over.”  
“I guess I have to visit Louise then.” I liked Madam Elise but that doesn’t mean I trusted her with my money. Louise was far more likely to give me the money seeing as she had too much to know what to do with.  
“I’ll watch the lad.”

My final visit to Louise’s house was hurried and a little frantic. “You’re leaving? C’est terrible.”  
“I know, I’m sorry to put this on you and disappear, but the boat’s leaving in a few hours.”  
“I understand. Maybe I’ll bring the money myself and catch you up on what happens.”  
“That would be wonderful. But there’s something else.”  
“Oui?”  
“You can’t tell anyone where I’ve gone. Not even the king.”  
“What have you done Claire?”   
“Nothing. But I can’t stay. And he can’t know where I’ve gone.”  
“He will not find out from me.”  
“Thank you. You’ve been a great friend. I have to go now.”  
“Of course. Au revoir Claire.”

I ran home, unable to stop my legs from moving so fast, cringing at the pain. Jamie was loading up our bags onto a carriage. Fergus and Murtagh were inside. “In ye get Sassenach.” Jamie opened the door for me. I sat opposite Fergus and then Jamie climbed in next to me. “Rupert and Angus will be meeting us on the ship.”  
“I’m sure they don’t want to cut their trip short.” I argued.  
“They dinna have much choice. Because we are leaving at the last minute, I havena had a chance to send word to Castle Leoch. There’ll be no one tae meet us, so we’ll need Rupert and Angus.”  
“Is that where we’re going? Castle Leoch?” I vaguely remembered visiting the ruins on my trip to Scotland before I went to Craigh Na Dun.  
“We’ll stop there, aye. But our final destination is Lallybroch.”

The ship was much bigger than I expected. Rupert and Angus were, in fact, waiting on board for us. They didn’t help with the bags, left that to the Frasers. Fergus watched the ocean waves with a happy curiosity.

“Have you ever seen the sea Fergus?” I asked smiling as he laughed at the foam.  
“Non mama, I haven’t.”  
“It’s beautiful isn’t it?”  
“Oui.” We both sounded starstruck. But it didn’t last long.

Murtagh appeared then. “Jamie’s never been a good sailor. He may need a few of yer herbs. I’ll watch the lad.”  
“Alright. Fergus, be good.”

We hadn’t even left the dock and Jamie’s face looked pale and shaky. “Don’t move.” I said as Jamie tried to sit up when he saw me come into his cabin. I moved to sit behind him, his head resting on my chest. I stroked his hair and used my magic to put him to sleep.

It wasn’t long before the rocking of the boat sent me to sleep. “Tell me something good.” I repeated my words from weeks ago. How had I only known Jamie a couple of weeks? It felt like a lifetime.

“I’ll show ye, if ye like.” He said and I nodded. We were back at my shop. Was the boat a dream? Was I home? No. I thought firmly. This was the dream.

Jamie was lying, bleeding on the floor and I was kneeling over him. It was hazy and our movements shuddered. His memory of that night was in pieces. But I remembered and filled in the gaps.

It was our first meeting. Jamie was dying. “This isn’t a good memory. I was stressed and you were unconscious.” I said.  
“It is.” Jamie was smiling. He was staring at me. “I kent I loved ye then.”  
“You love me?” I asked, emotion clawing at my throat.  
“Yer verra hard not tae love.”  
“I love you too.”

Jamie’s arms wrapped around me and he kissed me. I was out of breath and yet I couldn’t pull myself away. After a moment though, Jamie pulled back and began to litter my face with kisses. I laughed.

It didn’t matter what had happened before. There was him, only him. It should’ve been crazy, thinking about tying myself to another man after all that I had been through. But Jamie was not Frank. He was nowhere close.

I was lying behind Jamie, the big spoon, when I opened my eyes. I choked back a laugh. He spun around to face me. “I would verra much like tae be yer husband Claire. Would ye choose me?”  
“I’ve already chosen you.”  
“Ah Dhia. I fear my heart canno’ take it.” I leant in and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “When we get tae Lallybroch, will ye have me?”  
“Yes.” I pressed a kiss to his other cheek and then snuggled into his firm chest. Jamie’s arms came up to wrap around me.

The boat journey to Inverness was far more enjoyable than I could’ve thought.


	6. o scotland, scotland! (Macbeth)

Stepping on solid ground felt unsurprisingly stable. It was a new beginning. Not many people got second chances, but this would be my third. I was unendingly grateful but at the same time wary of King Louis’ influence. There was an ocean between us now, but it didn’t feel like enough.

That was until Jamie wrapped his arms around me and I felt a wave of safety rush through me. I smiled at him. “How long is the journey from here?”  
“Maybe a week’s ride once we get some horses.”

Our unlikely group; Jamie and I, Murtagh and Fergus, Rupert and Angus started walking. It was hard going. The nights were cold and the horses tired quickly. But we had enough food; Jamie and Murtagh managed to hunt. I did my best to help out too. I turned crumbs into loaves of bread and dregs of water into full canteens. I figured out pretty quickly that I couldn’t conjure something for nothing, but I pushed the line as hard as it would go to feed everyone.

It took longer than a week because it took a few days to find enough horses for everyone and even then I shared with Jamie and Fergus rode with Murtagh. But eventually we all reached Castle Leoch in one piece.

I had the briefest flash of deja vu when Jamie helped me down from our horse in the courtyard. Surely I would know if I had been there before. I shook the notion away and clutched Fergus’ hand to keep him close to me. The stone castle was a marvel. It spoke of long days and longer nights of safety and stability. I knew it had held up for hundreds of years and would continue to stand for hundreds more.

The decor inside was somewhat of a half-way point between what I’d seen living in Paris and the King’s palace in Versailles. It was expensive and regal without being gaudy and garish. Dark woods and flickering candles felt like home, but the cold stone gave off a harsher feeling. Maybe not everyone was safe here.

“We’ll rest here fer the night. Lallybroch’s no’ far now.” Jamie said as he guided us through the passageways to a bedroom. “I ken yer auld enough fer yer own bed Fergus, but maybe it would be good fer yer mam tae have ye tae protect her tonight.” Jamie said.  
“Oui, I’ll protect you mama.”  
“I’ll be back wi’ food from the kitchen.” Jamie disappeared.

I looked around. It seemed to be a plain room. No furniture past the bed and a chair and table by the fireplace. I would’ve expected to see dust or cobwebs in the room, but upon examination I couldn’t find any. It was a simple guest room and yet had been continuously cleaned as though guests were expected.

I sat down on the bed, watching Fergus who seemed to not know what to make of Scotland and it’s strange ways. Without warning, I was hit with enough exhaustion to level a giant. “Make sure you eat before you come to bed.” I said hypocritically as I climbed under the sheets and promptly passed out.

During the night, Jamie had come in with the food, Fergus had eaten some and then had just as quickly fallen asleep in the bed next to me. That night I didn’t dream of Jamie. I suspected it was probably because he didn’t go to sleep at all. 

He looked harried when he knocked at the door in the morning. “Maybe we should stay another night so you can get some rest.” I said taking in his pallid colour.  
“We’re no’ far now. I’ll rest when we get there.”   
“Stubborn man.” I said under my breath, but followed him out of the room anyway. 

It seemed though that Jamie was in more of a hurry to leave Castle Leoch than I had first thought. He looked anxious, watching our surroundings with eagle eyes and stepping in front of Fergus and me when someone got too close. I rested my palm on his bicep when we reached the stables. “Jamie, talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong.”  
“No’ here. Later.” I let the subject drop.

Murtagh appeared a few moments later with fresh provisions. “Are we ready then?” He asked.  
“Aye. No use waiting.” They shared a look and then climbed onto their horses. Jamie helped me swing up in front of him as Murtagh guided Fergus into a similar position. 

I looked back at Castle Leoch, fading into the distance behind us. I wasn’t sure what to make of the place. It certainly didn’t feel harsh but it did feel unwelcoming. Though that might have been because Fergus and I were strangers, or worse, Sassenachs.

We rode for almost an hour before Jamie said anything. “My Uncle Dougal hit me in the heid wi’ an axe.” He was quiet and I almost didn’t hear him above the horses.  
“What?”   
“Before I travelled tae Paris. That was my original heid injury.”  
“And your Uncle Dougal lives at Castle Leoch?” I guessed.  
“No’ just lives there. He’s brother tae the Laird, and War Chieftain himself. So now ye see Claire, why we couldna stay another night.”  
“Yes, I think I understand now.” I wasn’t just imagining the abrasive side to the castle then.

When no more was said on the matter, I tried to force it to the back of my mind, not thinking about whether Jamie had done something to earn the War Chieftain of Clan MacKenzie’s wrath. He didn’t seem like the type, but family feuds during this time could be lethal.

It was just as beautiful as Jamie showed me in our dreams. We rode up steadily to the hill’s edge and looked down upon Lallybroch. “Wow.” I breathed out.  
“I hope ye’ll be happy here Sassenach.”  
“We’ll all be happy here.” I said and we kept riding down until we reached a large stone arch. 

A large man with black hair and an even blacker beard came out of the house. “Jamie?” He called out and the horses slowed. “Yer no’ meant tae be back fer months.”  
“I ken Da, but it was important.” Jamie slid down off the horse and reached up a hand to help me down. “Da, this is Claire. Claire, my Da Brian.”  
“It’s a pleasure to meet you sir.” I said and watched as my accent startled him. The man covered it up quickly and then turned back to Jamie.  
“Get Claire settled intae the house and then meet me in my study.” He said and then strode off.  
“I’m sorry Jamie, I never meant to come between you and your family.”  
“Yer no’. He jus’ wants tae ken the story. I’ll talk tae him and then it’ll all be alright.” Jamie placed his hand at my lower back and ushered me and Fergus forwards. Murtagh disappeared with the horses.

The house was nothing like Castle Leoch. It was warm and like a home should be. “Are ye hungry Sassenach?” He asked.  
“No. Fergus?”  
“No mama.” Fergus reached up and took my hand. He looked dead on his feet.  
“I’ll show ye both tae a room.” Jamie led us up the stairs and into a guest room. “In the morning, I’ll introduce ye tae my Da properly and my sister Janet and friend Ian. But fer now ye should both get some sleep.”  
“Thank you Jamie. For everything.” He nodded and turned to leave.

While it was supposed to be our home now, I couldn’t help but feel worried at our reception. These people, they were Jamie’s family sure but they didn’t know me or Fergus. Jamie was old enough to go to war in my time, but he was still Brian’s son. If Brian didn’t want to take in two more mouths to feed, what would happen to us? Would we stay in Scotland? Go back to France? Maybe go to England?

I tried to push the thoughts out of my head. There was no use worrying about it until I knew for sure Brian didn’t want us there. It was easier said than done though, and I ended up staying up half the night fretting over it.

We were back at the hearth. I couldn’t wait to find out the verdict. “Jamie?” I reached up and cupped his cheek with my palm. “What did he say?”  
“I’m sorry Sassenach.” My heart clenched, we were to be torn apart then. “What wi’ the Watch and a bad harvest, my Da canna afford tae put ye up. He can barely afford tae have me back.”  
“I’ll work, of course I’ll work. Do all I can to help out.”  
“No Claire. Ye canna risk yerself.”  
“I healed long before I had magic. I’ll stick to herbs.” I took a breath. “Jamie, we’ve got nowhere else to go.” I started crying. 

I had promised myself I wouldn’t be put in this position again. Never again at the mercy of a single man.

But Jamie wasn’t Frank. He was nowhere close. “I ken Sassenach. I’ll figure it out. Dinna fash.” He wrapped me up in his arms and pressed his lips to the top of my head.

The next morning was fast-paced. I was woken up by an older lady who helped me get dressed despite my insistence I could do it myself, and then she led me and Fergus down to the small dining hall. I bowl of porridge, or parritch, was pushed in front of us both as we listened to the hustle and bustle around the house.

Jamie came in when we were finished with a grin on his face and hay in his hair. I smiled reflexively. “G’morning Sassenach, Fergus. I’ve got a surprise fer ye both. Come along.” Fergus sprang from his chair and chased after Jamie as I stood up slower and followed them both out of the house.

We walked for over a mile until Jamie stopped. “She’s in need of fixin’, but I ken a few braw lads who’ll do that fer ye.”  
“I don’t understand.” I said, looking from Jamie to the stone house.  
“I found ye a place tae live.”  
“We can’t afford this. You can’t afford this.”  
“The place has been left since before I was a bairn. No one claimed it. I asked around the town and no one plans on claiming it. Ye’ll have tae pay rent tae my Da, he owns the land, but there’s enough room fer the two of ye and room fer patients.”  
“Thank you Jamie.” There weren’t words for how grateful I was. It was amazing. He was amazing.  
“There’s more.” Jamie walked up to the door and opened it for me. “Come on. Ye haven’t seen the best part.” 

When I walked into the house I froze. Not because it didn’t look as bad as I thought it would, or because there was a cat sleeping on the remains of a chair, or how it looked much bigger on the inside. Although that all applied, I froze because there it was. The hearth from our dreams. The room. The house. Our house. “I dinna believe it myself.” Jamie said.

I spun around and hugged him. He laughed and pulled me in closer. “Did you know?” I asked his shoulder. Fergus was trying to play with the cat.  
“No. Today is the only day I’ve stepped foot in this house.”  
“Must be fate.” I said, smiling.

It took about a week to set up my new practice. I hired on the boys Jamie recommended to fix the house, two of them didn’t even need paying because they had sick relatives that I helped heal. While they did that, I set up a new herb garden in the backyard. I found all sorts of plants in the woods and in town that I replanted in my garden.

The cat stayed and I took to naming him Adso, after Jamie’s mother’s cat. He liked to sleep in a cupboard above the kitchen when I got rid of the broken chair. Jamie visited as often as he could, but he was more often needed at Lallybroch. 

I met Jenny not long afterwards. She didn’t give me the time of day until after the first of our wedding banns went out. And then she turned up at my house and demanded to know my intentions with her brother. I told her the truth. I loved him and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. She nodded thoughtfully and left. The next time I showed up at Lallybroch, Jenny apologised and asked if we could be sisters.

Jamie moved in with me and Fergus after our wedding. My life in Scotland was a quiet one. I refused to do any magic unless it was absolutely necessary, life or death necessary, Jamie’s warning about what was done to witches in Scotland rattled around in my head. No one ever found out I was La Dame Blanche. I was just the Sassenach healer married to Brian Fraser’s son.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was a short chapter, I know, but I didn't want to stretch it out and have tension in Scotland. Scotland should be a haven to Claire. It feels complete like this.
> 
> Leave kudos and a comment if you liked it. I worked super hard on this fic, I'm usually not great at writing anything longer than a few thousand words so 22k is awesome for me. Let me know if it was awesome for you. (God that sounded like we're teenagers who just had sex.)


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